what would you do?

#1 (**permalink**) 11-13-2007, 10:12 AM

Alright heres the deal. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 4 months. we both have huge trust issues but the other day she told me some guy left her his number at her work. I asked if she got rid of it. and she said yes. but I still had my suspicions. So I looked in her purse and found the guys number. Thing is she wrote it down off the reciet onto another piece of paper. I was pretty mad. I mean lied to me and the fact of keeping the guys number... i mean kinda says "yeah I want to hang out with this guy".

I talked to her. asked her why.. and what were her intentions. All she had to say is she didn't know why she did it... she was flattered. and just in case anything happened between the 2 of us. but everything between us is great. I just dont understand. I love being with her and I know she feels the same way. just it sucks. Trust is something hard to gain. its like a mirror, once you break it, you cant look at it the same again. and I cant right now. cant even look at her straight or pretend to have a good time. had to get wasted last night just to crack a smile around her.

I dont know what Im asking. just some advice. or how yall would react or what yall would do?

maggiesxrevenge · 11-13-2007, 10:36 AM

I would have a talk with her and see if she is having doubts. It seems like she feels like things might be going down hill. Talk to her and real ask her what her feelings are and tell her you aren't comfortable with this guy and you want to know the real reason why she would say in case something ever happened to you two.

Estefanina · 11-13-2007, 10:40 AM

stop going through her purse and trust what the woman says.

if you find out she's been unfaithful, cross that bridge when you come to it.

as far as this lie goes, all i can suggest is what you've already done: talk to her about it. if more lies come, dump her... but don't go through her stuff. it just says you don't trust her.

maggiesxrevenge · 11-13-2007, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estefanina

stop going through her purse and trust what the woman says.

if you find out she's been unfaithful, cross that bridge when you come to it.

as far as this lie goes, all i can suggest is what you've already done: talk to her about it. if more lies come, dump her... but don't go through her stuff. it just says you don't trust her.

x2 on that
it's important she knows that you trust her otherwise she will have a reason to find someone else who can trust her

w8_4_the_moonrise · 11-13-2007, 11:50 AM

^ agreed. You need to show her you trust her before she can trust you. One of you needs to bridge the gap or nothing will happen. Talk to her, tell her what you told us, that you think things are going good but you feel hurt that she lied to you and that you feel insecure about your relationship if she's got plans for when you guys break up. Hash it out, if she's not as serious about the relationship as you then you'll have to re-think things.

eDgE oF iNsAnItY · 11-13-2007, 11:58 AM

Leave her. Whether or not it was right for you to go through her purse or not, the fact is that you found the evidence. She lied about it. If she was "just flattered" as she said, and had no intentions of hanging with the guy, she had no reason to lie to you about it. Obviously, she did lie. If she can lie about something so small, then wouldn't she lie about something when it was important? Probably so. Cut your losses and leave her. That's what I'd do.

On the other hand, if you enjoy being with her, then stay with her. It was just a small lie. She just didn't know how you would feel about it and didn't want you to worry. You were wrong for going through her purse and should feel ashamed.

Now, pick one of the answers. But since you will probably never even log into BT again, it doesn't really matter, does it?

**Opunaya** · 11-13-2007, 12:40 PM

Well, she didn't openly betray you or anything...she just has a guy's number. How many girls' numbers do you have in your phone? Had she called him and hung out with him or anything, then there's true grounds to do something...well, there is the lying thing...just tell her how much she hurt you for lying like that, and that you are more concerned about the lying than keeping the guy's digits. Trust is hard to earn, keep, and regain if lost...but you have to be careful to not and try to dominate everything in her life, there's nothing wrong with her having friends--even if they're guys...just...I don't know...be nicer. Or something, I have my own problems to deal with at the moment.

Ol' Patty · 11-13-2007, 01:43 PM

I think you are over reacting. You might ruin a good thing because of it. But then again maybe your absolutely right. I would think it a little odd if a girl I was with lied about it but then again I wouldn't have given a shit about her having some guys number in the first place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opunaya

Well, she didn't openly betray you or anything...she just has a guy's number. How many girls' numbers do you have in your phone? Had she called him and hung out with him or anything, then there's true grounds to do something...well, there is the lying thing...just tell her how much she hurt you for lying like that, and that you are more concerned about the lying than keeping the guy's digits. Trust is hard to earn, keep, and regain if lost...but you have to be careful to not and try to dominate everything in her life, there's nothing wrong with her having friends--even if they're guys...just...I don't know...be nicer. Or something, I have my own problems to deal with at the moment.

I agree with ya.

And another thing... Keep in mind that people are different. I don't think a little lie is a reason to give up on someone. I have a friend that lies all the time. It PISSES me off to no end. But just because he doesn't have the same moral values as me doesn't mean he is a lost cause. I figure maybe if I stick by him I'll be able to help him mature to the point to where he won't feel he has to lie to people anymore. I think it is a lot better than just dropping a friend over and shutting them out of their life. If everyone did that how would they ever improve?

This reminds me of a Japanese proverb(I believe it is.):

The most enjoyable and admiring thing in the world is to have lifework.

The most miserable thing in the world is to be uneducated as a man.

The loneliest thing in the world is to have nothing to do.

The most shameful thing in the world is to envy others.

The most respectable thing in the world is to serve people without looking for the benefit.

The most beautiful thing in the world is to show love to everything all over the world.

The saddest thing in the world is to tell a lie.

Static · 11-13-2007, 02:42 PM

damn, I think I would be pretty pissed myself...sure it wasn't your place to go through her purse, but come on, let's be honest, we've all done shit like that before. I think the thing that would make me mad the most is that she wrote the number back down on a different piece of paper in her own writing, that says A LOT about her intentions my friend. It would be one thing if she just grabbed the paper that the guy left and stuck it in her purse with tips or something, but she actually took the time to think about it, write it down, put it in her purse seperately, and go back to working, which took atleast 20-25 seconds... I'm sure you could imagine what she was thinking for that half a minute, she knew she was doing something wrong, as she lied to you about it later. But the fact is, you snagged the fuck out of her. So yeah, I applaude you for not being way more pissed, I guess you handled it with a cool head, I know what you mean you can't even look her in the eye anymore. So I doubt it'll be the same between you two again, up to you what to do in the end.

**Ginevra** · 11-13-2007, 03:11 PM

If she has trust issues, she has probably been through a few relationships and doesn't look at a relationship as forever even if it is going good, she's been from good to bad, doesn't want it to happen but knows it can. While I don't agree with her lying to you, the way you asked implied the answer you expected. "Did you get rid of it?" as opposed to "Really, what did you do with it?". If she had said "No he seemed cool even if I'm not going to date him", would you have taken that?

So it was wrong of her to decieve you but it's kinda like when your parents ask you if you did it and you know that if you tell a lie you won't get grounded. It just depends on what kind of parent you have whether admitting it right off gets you off the hook mostly or not.

The part about keeping it incase something happens would be a little hard to take, I would just ask her if she really wants to be with you or if some of your fears are true and she's moving on or something. And hopefully you'll get the reassurance that you need. Or maybe you'll find out something that's bugging her, or maybe it will end but then you will know.

I hope you at least read the replies if you came on this site specifically to ask this question.