What does it take, huh?

The infamous Goof · #1 (**permalink**) 02-26-2008, 04:23 PM

Ok, so here's the thing. Around a year ago I started going out with this wonderful and incredibly special girl. 8 months went by and I moved in with her mom and her, and it was great. It was like being able to see my other half every day. She was... for lack of a better word, perfect. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an endand she went away to school and between the stress we were causing each other and the complete miscommunication and a lack of communication, we broke up. She went and started going out with another guy, I tried moving on but kept kinda looking back at what I had before and had a lot of trouble just giving up and pressing on. Sometime after Thanksgiving I finally moved on, dated a few other people and was completely over what we had. Now here's where it gets kinda hairy. I never moved out and am still living here at the moment. Ever since we broke up, I've been kinda keeping a safe distance from her because I didn't want any feelings for her besides friendship to emerge and I figured the easiest and safest way was to just not be there. We found out maybe a month ago that she was pregnant by the other guy. Now upon hearing this only one thing came to my mind; that she needed to be cared for because he wasn't there to and that everything I felt for her love, hate, anger, whatever, it didn't matter. The only thing that truly mattered were her and the baby. The first thing I did was say "congratulations" cause I was truly happy for her and was excited to be an uncle to her baby. Unfortunately, he wanted her to get an abortion and she wouldn't do it. He wanted to "finish growing up" and "Try again after we're married" and what he didn't understand is this; Life isn't always going to work out the way you expect it to and you have to play the cards that you're dealt. So because she flat out refused to abort her unborn child, he broke up with her with the lame excuse "I just don't want this kind of commitment". Can you imagine that? Being newly pregnant and discovering the man that you thought was the perfect person for you runs at the first sign of a problem. Fast forward to now. We've been spending a LOT of time together because I want to be there for her in her time of need because I'm still her friend, even though I hadn't really been one till now. When I found out what a complete ass her boyfriend was being, I even stepped forward and said that I would be the dad to her child because I won't let the child grow up without a dad like she and her sister were forced to. What's bothering me is that since we've grown closer again I've been having feelings for her again. I'm talking since before her boyfriend broke up with her but after I stopped seeing the girl that I was recently dating. And in case you're wondering, yes I have told her how I felt and she says that there are feelings for me there too but she's not sure if it's hormones or how she really feels. So we agreed to wait until the baby is born and the hormones kinda die down to see how she feels about me. To be honest, I'm scared of what the next 7 or so months are going to bring. I'm afraid that if I wait for her and she rejects being with me that I'm going to have missed out on something good. Or worse, I'm afraid that if I just give up and move on that I could be letting the perfect one for me slip right through my fingers like a handful of sand. I'm obviously leaning very far towards waiting for her cause in all my years on this earth I have learned that girls like this one do NOT just grow on trees and chances are that I'll never find another girl like her in a hundred lifetimes. I guess I'm just afraid of losing her all over again.

02-26-2008, 04:38 PM

This sounds very familiar. Anyways.

All you can do is be there for her and wait it out. If you feelings are strong enough that you are willing to step in and be the father of her child then there is most definately something there. Just try to remember that if she doesn't end up having you be the father of her baby that you can still be in the child's life and hers. There is no reason for you not to be.

**Ginevra** · 02-26-2008, 04:42 PM

First request: paragraphs. Let my eyes rest for a second without having to massively search for my place or leave my mouse there when I'm done.

Anyway, I think that maybe it will work out for you, since the move away was what did it, and I'm glad that you were able to congradulate her. Do you think the problems that caused you to break up are still there?

Also, are you interested in anyone else? Because until you want someone as much or more than you want to be with her, you're not missing anything. That's a bridge you may have to cross when you come to it. And really, it's less than a year of your life until you two will figure out more about this. It's a long yet short period of your life.

The infamous Goof · 02-26-2008, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shesgotnothingtosay

This sounds very familiar. Anyways.

All you can do is be there for her and wait it out. If you feelings are strong enough that you are willing to step in and be the father of her child then there is most definately something there. Just try to remember that if she doesn't end up having you be the father of her baby that you can still be in the child's life and hers. There is no reason for you not to be.

Yeah, if you read another post on a subject very similar, it just might be the same situation. I just wanted to put my perspective out there too. Secondly, I do plan to be there for her and to be a part of the child's life. One of the first days of this whole fiasco I promised her that I'd be there to hold her hand when she's delivering and to not leave her side until she has a healthy baby in her arms and I know that she's ok too.

--------------- Added 26 Feb 2008 at 05:28 pm ---------------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginevra

First request: paragraphs. Let my eyes rest for a second without having to massively search for my place or leave my mouse there when I'm done.

Anyway, I think that maybe it will work out for you, since the move away was what did it, and I'm glad that you were able to congradulate her. Do you think the problems that caused you to break up are still there?

Also, are you interested in anyone else? Because until you want someone as much or more than you want to be with her, you're not missing anything. That's a bridge you may have to cross when you come to it. And really, it's less than a year of your life until you two will figure out more about this. It's a long yet short period of your life.

First off, sorry about the lack of paragraphs, I just kinda flushed out all my thoughts and that was what I ended up with.

Second, there have been no problems with us since her return. It's just like old times again and yet kinda different. A lot of the time I have to hold my tongue and not say what I want to say because she's already going through enouogh as it is. And as far as being interested in someone else? Of course not. When you're found that one person who truly complements you, there IS no one else to you. All the women I meet are just potential friends and nothing more. If things fall through and we don't get back together, I'll just shuffle on but I will always be her friend and be a part of her life. She means too much to me to just up and ditch her.