A Troubling but Loving Dilemna

#1 (**permalink**) 11-27-2007, 03:51 PM

I know many people dont like the fact that cheating is a bad thing, but what if you did it to help yourself out of a relationship or was helping someone who was, what if you where the third party and was in love with the cheater, what then, is yours and the cheaters relationship better, worse? Is that person with you because the relationship they are in right now is with a person who has hurt you physicall, mentally and emotionally. Well right now i am third party and my gf is already married, her husband is a complete asshole and has dislocated her shoulder twice, and has hurt her in a lot of ways, he thinks i am her best friend, which in the case i am but also we are both in love, your suppose to be best friends with the one you love right? well give me your thoughts, ideas and comments whether they are bad or good. thanks bye!

**Opunaya** · 11-27-2007, 03:59 PM

Well, cheating is wrong regardless...and to use it simply as a way to get out of a relationship--even if your intentions are good--is cruel and cowardly. At first, before you mentioned the way her husband treated her, I was going to say that your relationship would be weaker for it, because what if once your relationship starting going south, she decided to get someone else? The trust between you two would be weakened considerably. Then again, since she seems to be emotionally starved in this marriage, she might just be reaching out to anyone for affection, and you could've been in the right place at the right time.

I say, if she's in an abusive relationship, she needs to divorce his ass and go with you or something, not just use you to get the positive attention she probably craves. There's no reason for him to be treating her that way. She might truly love you, and you seem to have some feelings for her to say the least, but cheating's not the answer. Regardless what that guy thinks right now, he's going to find out eventually.

NachtEngel · 11-27-2007, 04:03 PM

I know many people dont like the fact that cheating is a bad thing, but what if you did it to help yourself out of a relationship

That does not make it any better. It means you are to weak and selfish minded to end it yourself.

or was helping someone who was, what if you where the third party and was in love with the cheater, what then, is yours and the cheaters relationship better, worse?

In this case you are both selfish and stupid. You are in love with someone that you know for a fact is capable of cheating. You are simply asking for trouble.

Is that person with you because the relationship they are in right now is with a person who has hurt you physicall, mentally and emotionally. Well right now i am third party and my gf is already married, her husband is a complete asshole and has dislocated her shoulder twice, and has hurt her in a lot of ways, he thinks i am her best friend, which in the case i am but also we are both in love, your suppose to be best friends with the one you love right? well give me your thoughts, ideas and comments whether they are bad or good. thanks bye!
She should have left him already. There is no excuse for cheating whatsoever.

**Opunaya** · 11-27-2007, 04:03 PM

Fix your quotations, Nache.

EDIT: There you go! lol, we pretty much said the same thing, you were just a little more blunt.

NachtEngel · 11-27-2007, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opunaya

Fix your quotations, Nache.

EDIT: There you go! lol, we pretty much said the same thing, you were just a little more blunt.

haha, thanks.

w8_4_the_moonrise · 11-27-2007, 04:26 PM

Cheating is wrong no matter how right it feels at the time.

And leaving an abusive relationship is hard to do, but as the person she loves you have to help her through it.

Whatever happens I wish you luck.

11-28-2007, 07:31 AM

Hmmm...I'll take another side to this and say that cheating is wrong yes, but you cannot help who you love.

If you love her and she loves you, then you can't help that. However, her lying or deceiving her husband is not right. Even if he is infact abusive; an "eye for eye" motto is not one of love. If you want to start your relationship on the right foot, I would probably venture that you two should remain very close friends until she is out of her bad relationship. Friends can love one another as you do, just keep the romantic love for a later time when she's not in a marital institution.

That being said, I see no problem with you two seeing each other and loving one another, even if she is married. Just take care that; a love grown in deceit will likely end in it.

Take Care!

everyone's favo · 11-28-2007, 01:39 PM

I have always taken the chance that once a cheater, always a cheater. I personally can never trust someone that has cheated on anyone. As someone who has been the 3rd party to plenty of cheaters, I can tell you nothing ever ends happy. The more you get involved, the worse its gonna get.

My advice is the same as Ryan87: Stay away from the physical stuff. I don't know too much about love myself, but I have been involved in my fair share of sticky situations. Your better off staying away from the physical stuff for yourself because you do not want to get yourself into a situation you cannot get out of. Sure, love inhabits a lot of emotions. But your first instinct should always be covering your ass.

If she asks you why you are shying away, just tell her the truth. Your obviously worried about the situation, and she deserves to hear it from you.

Hope this helps.

11-28-2007, 02:17 PM

Thanks everyone for your input, im not sure if anyone else had ever even been in the same situation i had. But i appreciate all the advice and help, looking forward to chatting and getting to know everyone here.