Marriage

Leslie_1985 · #1 (**permalink**) 11-19-2007, 08:12 PM

wtf am I still in this? man. I feel like I give my all and get dumped on.
uhh

I know he has done alot of good... I just hate all this anger. This year has seriously been horrible for my marriage. We are 2 1/2 years in... but almost 7 years together. I am hoping this is his seven year itch... I can not take this crap again..or worse...though there is nothing worse...just duplicated b/s.

Any vets of marriage with advice on how to stay commited without going insane?

I am not ready to let go of my marriage. I swore to God, Anthony and myself til death...and I do try to live by my religon. Many people look down on young marriage.. I think it doesn't matter the age...just your heart. It's not like we rushed into it... after 3 1/2 years..heck after 3 1/2 weeks we knew we were going to get married.. we have the steroetypical highschool break up/make up drama..yada yada yada. we were best friends for a little over a year before we started dating... never split up or took a break.. we had soooooo much love.. everyone considered us married by the end of 10th grade.

There has been sooo much bad crap this year.. and there is such a strain on us right now...somedays it all seems wonderful again..and other moments it is so hard to be in the same room. But nothing that has happened has lessened any of my love for him.. even when i "hate" him i know my life would be meaningless without him.

I know I have made, and do make, him put up with alot. I have always had trust issues..with the world. I also tend to harbor EVERYTHING..I DO try to let go..but I am so far not good at it.

I needed to rant I guess.

**Ginevra** · 11-19-2007, 08:22 PM

I'm not even married, but I have some thoughts. You might look into why he's angry. Generally there is a source which can cause him to act angry or get angry at other times in his life that don't seem like times that anger is appropriate.

I also remember hearing the title of a book or something that said that you can have a happily ever after, just not every day.

When you say a strain on you two do you mean that there have been other stressful factors or are you just referring to the strain between you two?

Only other thing is you might go out with the girls a few nights, live a little out of routine so you can come back to it and be happier. Good luck.

Leslie_1985 · 11-19-2007, 08:32 PM

the anger comes more from me..

there are alot of things putting stress on us..including each other

thanks

**Ginevra** · 11-19-2007, 08:53 PM

So what about him or your marriage makes you the most frustrated/angry?

**Brother of Yeshua** · 11-19-2007, 10:04 PM

What is all the "crap" you keep mentioning? I don't really understand what the problem is, just that you're having one.

It's hard to give good advice with so few details.

I'm married by the way.

Leslie_1985 · 11-19-2007, 10:14 PM

he isnt working..(he recently had hernia surgery and cant) but he also quit his job..but he kinda had to.. i make nothing.. so we are forced to live with his dad.. poor and that sux. plus some other things that would put a strain on any relationship..but are not for stating here. so i have been stressing extra everything is stretched sooo thin and we bicker constantly

[M]anorexia Nervosa · 11-19-2007, 10:38 PM

See, these posts are super awkward...especially when the other person is part of BT. Anyways...

Does he know that you're upset? Because I guess it's much easier to fix the problem if he knows that there is one in the first place. If he thinks everything is fine then I doubt anything is ever going to be resolved, in which case you'll grow increasingly irritated, up to the point where a break seems imminent. Throw your problem out there, ask him his point of view and then see if he's even willing to help resolve it. If he really wants it to work then he'll do his best to help you work it out. Even if he doesn't really think it's a problem, I would hope he would attempt to work it out just for your peace of mind.

I suppose this is kind of strange advice, coming from a sixteen year old with a tendency to avoid people, but I've had to watch my parent's entire relationship fall apart. I feel like the main reason they broke up is because they would yell at each other without really explaining why they were fighting in the first place. Even if you're just ignoring him, I'd tell him why. Don't assume he should already know the reason. He's male. He has a penis. A majority of males do shit and then don't realize that it's going to have negative repercussions.

If you're frustrated with him and he's not listening to you, just do the same. Seems immature, but I've seen it work. My aunt just sits and knits while my uncle rants, and later on he calms down and they work it out. Knitting is also pretty calming, I should know...I knit. It doesn't really require a lot of focus but it keeps your hands busy and if something becomes irritating you can always just choose to block them out with you needles and yarn.

This is all just based on assumptions made from what you said. Disregard it if it doesn't apply to your situation. I just hopes it helps, even a little bit. And seriously, if you get easily frustrated, I'd take up knitting. It requires a lot of patience, and gives you something else to focus on when everything is just getting on your nerves.

eDgE oF iNsAnItY · 11-19-2007, 10:54 PM

You say that you guys have been together for 7 years... since highschool. You haven't experienced anything other than each other (I'm guessing). This is why most people look down on young marriage. You haven't been able to experience what's out there. And after so long, lots of people get curious about "what else is out there". I don't know if this has anything to do with your problem or not, but I'm just throwing it out there. Not really helpful, I know, and probably not what you want to hear, but there it is.

But as for solving whatever the problem is... COMMUNICATION! That's the key to any relationship, whether romantic, friendship, or a work relationship. Without communication there is nothing. The trust issue you say you have and the fact that you "harbor" everything, I am guessing do not help with your level of communication. This is the main thing that you need to work on. Let me say it again: communication... communication... COMMUNICATION!

Leslie_1985 · 11-20-2007, 08:25 AM

it doesnt make it akward.... it helps him to relize that i my feelings are serious.

you guys have some excellent points. I have never known anyone but him. but i dont find that an excuse for anything. my parents have only known each other and they have been together since they were 12 (mom) and 14 (dad) years old.

We both have alot to work on due to the happenings of the last year

**SARS-expl0ted** · 11-20-2007, 08:32 AM

Everyone has their fights and everyone has their problems. The first few years of marriage are the hardest but you shouldn't have gotten married at the age of 19. You have so much more to learn.