To Love Or Not To Love

#1 (**permalink**) 12-09-2007, 04:07 PM

La DEE da.

**SeaStone** · 12-09-2007, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nunu

Hello all. =)

I felt most especially welcome by you all, and I most certainly will make myself at home here at the Toast.

I thought maybe I can share a dilemma with you. You see, I'm fourteen (as I said in my introduction). I, personally, would not like to focus on the idiocies of the usual teenagers, i.e. RELATIONSHIPS. I'm sure you all would agree that most high school relationships do not last. I'm positive that there are exceptions, but lets go with the generalization for now.

There is this completely different species, let us call them "males". I know this one male, let us name him "Johnny" that has displayed affection for me. I do not mean to seem cold or heartless, but I am one of those people who dates without necessarily feeling anything for the other party. Due to this tendency, I have never dated anyone from my school. I find it to stretch out the mourning period for whoever learned of my cruel ways.

Johnny is one of my very good friends. I know that he plans to ask me out soon (although i try to be more mature than most, I am not immune to gossip) and I am faced with this:

I can (a) Accept and break his heart later. or
(b) Reject and break his heart now.

What i would LIKE to do is completely salvage our friendship. As you can see, both options kill it.

Another thing you should know is Johnny recently got out of a relationship, where his girl friend left him for his best friend. And, he just so happens to hate being single. AND he is one of those long-relationship-love-you-after-the-first-day-don't-recover-quickly types.

Help?

Tell him what you heard before he asks you out, but say it like it's just stupid rumors. Laugh it off and say how ridiculous it is.

Hopefully, this will deter him from asking you out.

Edit: Wait, why are you posting in here?

eDgE oF iNsAnItY · 12-09-2007, 04:24 PM

Just tell him you don't feel that way for him. That you see him to be a very good friend and don't want anything to jeopardize that. Tell him you don't think that he should try to move into any relationship so soon. That he needs some "Johnny" time to figure out exactly what he wants out of life. If he really is a good friend of yours and you don't want to hurt him, leading him on would do the most damage to your relationship and to his ego.

**Arcángel** · 12-09-2007, 04:24 PM

Now, taking a look at this, a few things stand out at me...

Quote:

What i would LIKE to do is completely salvage our friendship. As you can see, both options kill it.

Both options don't necessarily kill it if you take into account what you said later on in your post:

Quote:

Another thing you should know is Johnny recently got out of a relationship, where his girl friend left him for his best friend. And, he just so happens to hate being single. AND he is one of those long-relationship-love-you-after-the-first-day-don't-recover-quickly types.

In one sense, by choosing B, you are not exactly breaking his heart. It would be choosing A, going into the relationship, knowing what you know from my second direct quote from your post. If this guy really does like you, I would hope that he does see that you are saving him from an even greater heartbreak, a relationship that he will fall into way too quickly and wind up hurt at the end of it.

He may feel that he is being rejected at this point but, give him time. He'll come around and realize that what you did was in the best interests of both you and him.

NachtEngel · 12-09-2007, 04:26 PM

Another good trick you could use is the one my ex used on my before we did end up dating after she decided she liked me. She said the best way to get a guy not to ask you out is to say what kind of guys you do not date right in front of him. Just pick out some little things but don't make it look like you know he was planing on asking you out. If he is shorter than you then say " I don't date guys that are shorter than me." You could do the same thing with age if he is younger. Just find a few things about him and make up some stuff to say while he is around.

chatterbox0226 · 12-09-2007, 04:26 PM

I like seastones idea of course, but if you can't do this in time or he still asks you- reject him now, just be honest, tell him you're not interested, it will salvage your friendship better than the other option. It's better than stringing him along.

dancesintherain · 12-09-2007, 04:47 PM

I would kinda do something like what Nacht suggested, but instead of choosing characteristics of the guy to put down, start a conversation with him. Talk about what you feel about relationships and things to that nature. But be completely honest. No falsifying anything.

Static · 12-09-2007, 04:59 PM

Easy, turn him down now and tell him you don't want to ruin the friendship you have. Sounds corny and unoriginal, but it's the truth isn't it? The truth is always the best solution in situations like this. There's no sense in giving the guy false hope about a girl if you plan on breaking up with him in the end anyway, that would be like making a whole meal for dinner then just throwing it all in the trash right after it's done, leaving you hungry and probably a little pissed...

Do the smart thing, end it before it starts and continue the friendship, who knows, maybe things will be different later on down the road.

12-09-2007, 06:05 PM

Kill the friendship!!! kill it! kill it! kill it!

He'll always like you. In ten years you'll randomly bump into him somewhere. It'll seemingly be coincidence but really he will have been following for the last ten years, obsessing about you as he watched you.

You won't know this of course, but you'll find it to be fate because he seemingly knows everything about you and has the same "interests" you do.

This has axe-murderer written all over it.

MUHAHAHA

eDgE oF iNsAnItY · 12-09-2007, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iconosworn

Kill the friendship!!! kill it! kill it! kill it!

He'll always like you. In ten years you'll randomly bump into him somewhere. It'll seemingly be coincidence but really he will have been following for the last ten years, obsessing about you as he watched you.

You won't know this of course, but you'll find it to be fate because he seemingly knows everything about you and has the same "interests" you do.

This has axe-murderer written all over it.

MUHAHAHA

Sounds like the opinion of someone experienced in stalking...