Just a friend to something more. question..

krnjason · #1 (**permalink**) 05-11-2008, 11:44 AM

yeah, ive finally hit that point where i think i might have feelings for a good friend of mine (we'll call her S)...We've both thought of each other as good friends for awhile now but something clicked and I think i might like her. The girls ive gone out with were friends to begin with but not as close I am with S. Im leaving for college, pretty far away soon around august. (moving from southern Cal to nor cal) and i just feel like i might regret not telling her how i feel. Yet we have such a good friendship-relationship that i kind of dont want to jeopardize it as well.

so i think ive narrowed down my situation...

tell her and feel relieved to get it off my chest, but become awkward

or not just suppress it and regret it in the future...

any suggestions? im in a real dillema...sigh : /

kingsgrrrl7 · 05-11-2008, 01:42 PM

If I were you, I'd tell her.

Though it may be awkward at first, you won't regret it in the end.

And who knows?

She might have feelings for you as well.

**Opunaya** · 05-13-2008, 05:47 AM

No, she'll probably just laugh in your face and then things will be forever awkward between you. So, not only will you have your heartbroken, but the friendship shattered between you two. At least, this has been my experience.

**Ginevra** · 05-13-2008, 09:32 AM

It's better if you give her a hint first so she can begin to decide. Because it's possible she hasn't really thought about it, so even if after she got the idea she liked it, if you ask her the moment she gets hit with the idea then it'll be awkward, because it takes time to know these things. For example, if she has said something before it clicked for you, would you have known the answer?

It also seems my experience that if she finds out before it "clicks" it makes it less likely that it will click. So, my suggestion is, since you're close friends, tell her you guys should go out to a movie or something, don't invite people and try and casually not take others, flirt a little, maybe make it your treat or something. Just give her a while to think about the idea. You can also just flirt more when you're just hanging out, I dunno. Something to put the idea in her head.

Aphrodisiac · 05-13-2008, 10:10 AM

Are you just trying to tell her how you feel or are you expecting it to become a relationship? I don't know why it would be harmful to tell her you might have feelings for her. It would be stupid of her not to be flattered by such a thing. Just tell her you wanted her to know before leaving for college. If you are really that close she should be able to understand even if she does not have the same feelings. Just make sure you really like her though and it's not just realizing how far you are moving away from a great friend. I thought something similar about a friend that moved somewhat recently and am realizing it was just the realization of that person being so far that made me feel that way.

krnjason · 05-13-2008, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opunaya

No, she'll probably just laugh in your face and then things will be forever awkward between you. So, not only will you have your heartbroken, but the friendship shattered between you two. At least, this has been my experience.

internet is so hard to detect sarcasm, but if it did happen to ya sorry man, didnt know the world could be so harsh. Hope you've had other meaningful relationships tho

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginevra

It's better if you give her a hint first so she can begin to decide. Because it's possible she hasn't really thought about it, so even if after she got the idea she liked it, if you ask her the moment she gets hit with the idea then it'll be awkward, because it takes time to know these things. For example, if she has said something before it clicked for you, would you have known the answer?

It also seems my experience that if she finds out before it "clicks" it makes it less likely that it will click. So, my suggestion is, since you're close friends, tell her you guys should go out to a movie or something, don't invite people and try and casually not take others, flirt a little, maybe make it your treat or something. Just give her a while to think about the idea. You can also just flirt more when you're just hanging out, I dunno. Something to put the idea in her head.

Yeah true i cant expect her to know the answer right then and there without her thinking about it and stuff.
and i was sorta leaning towards the "make it [my] treat" thing as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aphrodisiac

Are you just trying to tell her how you feel or are you expecting it to become a relationship? I don't know why it would be harmful to tell her you might have feelings for her. It would be stupid of her not to be flattered by such a thing. Just tell her you wanted her to know before leaving for college. If you are really that close she should be able to understand even if she does not have the same feelings. Just make sure you really like her though and it's not just realizing how far you are moving away from a great friend. I thought something similar about a friend that moved somewhat recently and am realizing it was just the realization of that person being so far that made me feel that way.

well its kind of both, i want her to know and maybe have a relationship as well. and yeah its not just cuz im moving away, ill be coming back to my home town every couple months so its more of a semi-perm. thing. but then again cant expect her to wait or w/e...iono.

im planning to tell her sometime this week so thanks for all the advice, and ill try to keep you guys posted. Thanks so much forthe advice.

Stossel · 05-13-2008, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opunaya

No, she'll probably just laugh in your face and then things will be forever awkward between you. So, not only will you have your heartbroken, but the friendship shattered between you two. At least, this has been my experience.

Oh, Opu.

Anyway.

I feel a little out-of-place giving advice here, considering I'm younger than you, but if you're willing to go through a lot to get her, honesty (followed by persistence) would be key.

javagirl87 · 05-13-2008, 10:59 PM

i think it's always better to say something than regret never saying it...but i would definately try and wait for the best time. when the moment seems right...when you can't really hold it in anymore and when she's in a good mood and has been hanging out with you etc. or maybe if you've been getting any kind of hints from her that she feels that way too?

to be completely honest the last couple of men i dated it took them TELLING ME how they felt or showing it for me to realize i had feelings for them too....it just hit me i wa sliek omg i never realized this before you mentioned it.

it probably WILL be awkward at first because she'll either be thinking about it a LOT and lead to her feeling for you too or her just wanting to be friends, but EITHER way she is your good friend and it'll probably not be awkward after some a short amount of time. unless she's really immature...but i'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

krnjason · 05-14-2008, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

i think it's always better to say something than regret never saying it...but i would definately try and wait for the best time. when the moment seems right...when you can't really hold it in anymore and when she's in a good mood and has been hanging out with you etc. or maybe if you've been getting any kind of hints from her that she feels that way too?

to be completely honest the last couple of men i dated it took them TELLING ME how they felt or showing it for me to realize i had feelings for them too....it just hit me i wa sliek omg i never realized this before you mentioned it.

it probably WILL be awkward at first because she'll either be thinking about it a LOT and lead to her feeling for you too or her just wanting to be friends, but EITHER way she is your good friend and it'll probably not be awkward after some a short amount of time. unless she's really immature...but i'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

yeah thats what i kept thinking; better to say something now than just let it pass by.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stossel

Oh, Opu.

Anyway.

I feel a little out-of-place giving advice here, considering I'm younger than you, but if you're willing to go through a lot to get her, honesty (followed by persistence) would be key.

age doesnt matter as long as ya got some good advise and ya do. haha yea i prolly have go through hoops but im a pretty patient guy aha

thanks again ya guys

zonedout · 08-29-2008, 05:47 PM

Did you tell her yet?
You dont have that much time till college man and if you are going to tell her (which you should)
There will be an akward time period even if she does like you because you wont know how to move from friends to something more in an instant.

Last year one of my best guy friends wrote me a note and like stuck it into my purse and it was like this huge confession on how he really liked me and has for a long time. First i thought it was funny because the note thing was something i thought people whould do in like junior high and i was freaked out because i didnt know what to say....
It took me a couple days to figure out how i felt and think it over and could finally come up with a response. I liked him too but i wasnt sure if we should date or not but knowing we both liked each other got us even closer and we ended up dating a little over a month after that....

im just telling you my story because i hope yours end up good. It will be weird adjusting to whatever happens. But you will feel so much better once you know how she feels instead of just wondering all the time what could happen.... MAKE IT HAPPEN.

good luck