I have a problem... - Page 5

icadragoon · 02-24-2008, 05:55 AM

I'm pregnant and the father of the baby broke up with me because I wouldn't abort it. So now I'm going to be a single mom. My ex boyfriend is all for being the father of the baby but I'm not sure if my feelings for him are hormones or if it's the real thing. So we both agreed that we are going to wait till after the baby is born. My delama is that I'm not sure if I'm going to give the baby the fathers last name or mine. I've talked to his parents and they don't believe that I am pregnant so they want me to send them papers. His mother is a lot nicer to me then she was before which is helping and I let the father and his parents know how appointments go and everything. Near the end of the relationship a girl I was friends with was trying to break us up and called me every name in the book when she found out that I was pregnant and was keeping it. He seemed to care more about her feelings then mine. I really did love him which makes this very hard for me, but I'm in no way afraid to be a mother. I want him to be in his child's life but so far he's not showing me he's going to be there. When I have the baby he will be at school so he probably wont be there for the birth. I don't want to piss off his parents by giving the baby my last name but to be honest he has hurt me so bad that I don't care about his feelings. I just don't want my child to grow up with a complicated life.

Ol' Patty · 04-19-2008, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeaStone

Perhaps you could give the child both names.

The child is still his, despite him being a douche.

However, don't give the child just his name. You're raising the child so the child should have your name.

When you get married to someone who's undouche-like then you can give the child the new daddy's name.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeaStone

The grandparents are still family.

I've lived my whole life with my father, the weeks or short months I spent consecutively with my mother were crap. However, when my father and I had a fallout, it was my mom's parents who took me in. They've paid for my medical bills, my college, my food, and my clothes. They're more family than my mother ever was.

Family is important. If she plays her cards right and doesn't shut them out, the child's grandparents could be like a second family for her and her baby.

I find myself agreeing with Seastone. I don't think it would be right to alienate the grandparents just because the guy is like that. Especially if they genuinely seem interested in the child and you. I'm very thankful for the support both my maternal and paternal have given me through my life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalia

Also by sitting his parents own and discussing/explaining things it will make them feel more involved in the decision and hence less likely to resent you/get upset that it doesnt have their name

I think this is a good idea. If they are willing to be involved in the child's life it would show your willingness to include them by keeping them in the loop.

I grew up without a father as well. I think that it is extremely important to have a father figure in a child's life. Don't make yourself unhappy though. When my mother was raising us by herself I was a lot happier when I was younger even though now I know how hard it was for her. When she started getting boyfriends though, things got bad for a while. They either thought they were entitled to control how we lived our lives or they didn't treat my mother right. Or both.

Since the father defaulted his place in the child's life all decisions regarding it depend on you. Don't let anyone else control how you decide to raise your child. Not to say you shouldn't take advice or anything like that. Just don't ever do anything that you feel is not in it's best interest.

Congratulations, and good luck!

icadragoon · 04-20-2008, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ol' Patty

I find myself agreeing with Seastone. I don't think it would be right to alienate the grandparents just because the guy is like that. Especially if they genuinely seem interested in the child and you. I'm very thankful for the support both my maternal and paternal have given me through my life.

I think this is a good idea. If they are willing to be involved in the child's life it would show your willingness to include them by keeping them in the loop.

I grew up without a father as well. I think that it is extremely important to have a father figure in a child's life. Don't make yourself unhappy though. When my mother was raising us by herself I was a lot happier when I was younger even though now I know how hard it was for her. When she started getting boyfriends though, things got bad for a while. They either thought they were entitled to control how we lived our lives or they didn't treat my mother right. Or both.

Since the father defaulted his place in the child's life all decisions regarding it depend on you. Don't let anyone else control how you decide to raise your child. Not to say you shouldn't take advice or anything like that. Just don't ever do anything that you feel is not in it's best interest.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Thats the way I feel about it as well, I'm not about to do anything unless I'm making the decision in the baby's best interest, not because someone else wants me to. At this point I'm not afraid of upsetting his parents, I want them to be there for their grandchild but I'm not going to stress myself out over it. If it's a boy I can see it being more of a problem, because of the whole wanting to keep the family name going thing. I do agree though that the child would be more confused with his name and not mine, how am I to know that in the future they really want to be there.

Panda_babii · 07-15-2008, 05:59 PM

I think you should give the baby your last name that way if the father is not there later in the baby's life it will have less complications and misunderstandings. I don't think this guy should get a second chance with you but should still atleast be in the child's life. He too had a part in making the child.He should live up to responcibilty