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I'm pregnant and the father of the baby broke up with me because I wouldn't abort it. So now I'm going to be a single mom. My ex boyfriend is all for being the father of the baby but I'm not sure if my feelings for him are hormones or if it's the real thing. So we both agreed that we are going to wait till after the baby is born. My delama is that I'm not sure if I'm going to give the baby the fathers last name or mine. I've talked to his parents and they don't believe that I am pregnant so they want me to send them papers. His mother is a lot nicer to me then she was before which is helping and I let the father and his parents know how appointments go and everything. Near the end of the relationship a girl I was friends with was trying to break us up and called me every name in the book when she found out that I was pregnant and was keeping it. He seemed to care more about her feelings then mine. I really did love him which makes this very hard for me, but I'm in no way afraid to be a mother. I want him to be in his child's life but so far he's not showing me he's going to be there. When I have the baby he will be at school so he probably wont be there for the birth. I don't want to piss off his parents by giving the baby my last name but to be honest he has hurt me so bad that I don't care about his feelings. I just don't want my child to grow up with a complicated life.
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A mother is god in the eyes of a child.
I don't think the grandparents should be added in to that equation. She should only give the last name if the father's willing to be there...
The grandparents are still family.
I've lived my whole life with my father, the weeks or short months I spent consecutively with my mother were crap. However, when my father and I had a fallout, it was my mom's parents who took me in. They've paid for my medical bills, my college, my food, and my clothes. They're more family than my mother ever was.
Family is important. If she plays her cards right and doesn't shut them out, the child's grandparents could be like a second family for her and her baby.
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I own:[M]anorexia Nervosa & NachtEngel
I am a member of the Secret Decoder Agency: BUR
My code name is: BAB
I'm pregnant and the father of the baby broke up with me because I wouldn't abort it. So now I'm going to be a single mom. My ex boyfriend is all for being the father of the baby but I'm not sure if my feelings for him are hormones or if it's the real thing. So we both agreed that we are going to wait till after the baby is born. My delama is that I'm not sure if I'm going to give the baby the fathers last name or mine. I've talked to his parents and they don't believe that I am pregnant so they want me to send them papers. His mother is a lot nicer to me then she was before which is helping and I let the father and his parents know how appointments go and everything. Near the end of the relationship a girl I was friends with was trying to break us up and called me every name in the book when she found out that I was pregnant and was keeping it. He seemed to care more about her feelings then mine. I really did love him which makes this very hard for me, but I'm in no way afraid to be a mother. I want him to be in his child's life but so far he's not showing me he's going to be there. When I have the baby he will be at school so he probably wont be there for the birth. I don't want to piss off his parents by giving the baby my last name but to be honest he has hurt me so bad that I don't care about his feelings. I just don't want my child to grow up with a complicated life.
If the father cannot show the baby attention now, what makes you think he is going to be there for when the child is around? He's not.
Fuck the father and give the kid your last name and honestly, I wouldn't want to allow the guy to be a part of the child's life until the child said something about wanting to meet his/her father.
Seriously though, if the guy can't even take care of the mother of his child...he won't be able to take care of the both of you. Your best bet is to just depend on yourself and allow those who actually do care about you to help you out when you need it.
No matter how bad you might want to take this guy back when he comes begging for forgiveness from you, stand your ground and be strong. Make him work to prove that he is worth your time and the child's time because right now, he thinks that you two aren't worth his.
__________________
This world is full of fake titties and real assholes.
No matter how bad you might want to take this guy back when he comes begging for forgiveness from you, stand your ground and be strong. Make him work to prove that he is worth your time and the child's time because right now, he thinks that you two aren't worth his.
Well spoken.
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I own:[M]anorexia Nervosa & NachtEngel
I am a member of the Secret Decoder Agency: BUR
My code name is: BAB
I hate to sound like a broken record, but you really are doing the right thing for yourself. Fuck that guy - he's a prick for leaving you and he isn't worth your time. You have plenty of emotional support everywhere else, so you should be fine.
The only major question I have is how will you support the child financially? Do you have a set plan or are you just taking it by the day?
I still live with my mom, I'm going to get child support from him after I have the baby but I'm letting the government take care of him. That way I won't have to stress over it.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 05:51 pm ---------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaStone
Perhaps you could give the child both names.
The child is still his, despite him being a douche.
However, don't give the child just his name. You're raising the child so the child should have your name.
When you get married to someone who's undouche-like then you can give the child the new daddy's name.
Ha ha, Ive heard that from other people and I'm considering it.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 05:58 pm ---------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaStone
The grandparents are still family.
I've lived my whole life with my father, the weeks or short months I spent consecutively with my mother were crap. However, when my father and I had a fallout, it was my mom's parents who took me in. They've paid for my medical bills, my college, my food, and my clothes. They're more family than my mother ever was.
Family is important. If she plays her cards right and doesn't shut them out, the child's grandparents could be like a second family for her and her baby.
I do want his parents to be there and I half agree with the name thing. I know that if I put his name in the baby's name (Like if I was to give the baby both his name and mine) that his parents would not be so pissed off (cause I'm guessing they will be in some way). Right now I have a good relationship with them and they seem like they really want to know whats going on. They called me the day of my appointment to see how it was. That made me feel better.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 06:07 pm ---------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by [ Jew Blaster ]
If the father cannot show the baby attention now, what makes you think he is going to be there for when the child is around? He's not.
Fuck the father and give the kid your last name and honestly, I wouldn't want to allow the guy to be a part of the child's life until the child said something about wanting to meet his/her father.
Seriously though, if the guy can't even take care of the mother of his child...he won't be able to take care of the both of you. Your best bet is to just depend on yourself and allow those who actually do care about you to help you out when you need it.
No matter how bad you might want to take this guy back when he comes begging for forgiveness from you, stand your ground and be strong. Make him work to prove that he is worth your time and the child's time because right now, he thinks that you two aren't worth his.
Like sea stone said, well said. I totally agree and I don't want him back. Ive had a lot of time to think about it and if he loved me as much as I thought he did he would be acting differently about this. He actually deleted me off of his facebook because I started going out with my ex again (Thats what I think anyway). They way I see it is that I'm not going to stress if he's going to be there or not. If he wants to be there after it's born he can have visitation rights. If not then I'm not going to force him because it would hurt the baby.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 06:11 pm ---------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by everyone's favo
I figured this much, but does she have a job as well? What about plans for college and other future endeavors?
I'm in college right now, to be a psychologist. I'm going to take a semester off (maybe a year cause I'm breastfeeding) then I'm going back and my mom is going to watch him/her for me. I don't have a job while I'm in school but I work over the summer full time, I'm going to look for a secretary job for this summer though cause being on my feet all day being prego would suck big time.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 06:18 pm ---------------
Ok so I think I answered all the questions (sorry I don't get on that much). I had my doctors appointment on Thursday and I heard the heart beat. It was awesome, what a load off my shoulders. I heard so many horror stories about the baby dieing but they person didn't know till after their doctors appointment 2 weeks later. The baby is healthy and everything was fine, I gained a pound which made me happy. I'm also getting a bigger belly, I'll post the pic's in the preggers pic section when I get the chance. I hope all is well with everyone else, I'll keep you posted if anything else comes up.
__________________
A mother is god in the eyes of a child.
I still live with my mom, I'm going to get child support from him after I have the baby but I'm letting the government take care of him. That way I won't have to stress over it.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 05:51 pm ---------------
Ha ha, Ive heard that from other people and I'm considering it.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 05:58 pm ---------------
I do want his parents to be there and I half agree with the name thing. I know that if I put his name in the baby's name (Like if I was to give the baby both his name and mine) that his parents would not be so pissed off (cause I'm guessing they will be in some way). Right now I have a good relationship with them and they seem like they really want to know whats going on. They called me the day of my appointment to see how it was. That made me feel better.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 06:07 pm ---------------
Like sea stone said, well said. I totally agree and I don't want him back. Ive had a lot of time to think about it and if he loved me as much as I thought he did he would be acting differently about this. He actually deleted me off of his facebook because I started going out with my ex again (Thats what I think anyway). They way I see it is that I'm not going to stress if he's going to be there or not. If he wants to be there after it's born he can have visitation rights. If not then I'm not going to force him because it would hurt the baby.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 06:11 pm ---------------
I'm in college right now, to be a psychologist. I'm going to take a semester off (maybe a year cause I'm breastfeeding) then I'm going back and my mom is going to watch him/her for me. I don't have a job while I'm in school but I work over the summer full time, I'm going to look for a secretary job for this summer though cause being on my feet all day being prego would suck big time.
--------------- Added 15 Mar 2008 at 06:18 pm ---------------
Ok so I think I answered all the questions (sorry I don't get on that much). I had my doctors appointment on Thursday and I heard the heart beat. It was awesome, what a load off my shoulders. I heard so many horror stories about the baby dieing but they person didn't know till after their doctors appointment 2 weeks later. The baby is healthy and everything was fine, I gained a pound which made me happy. I'm also getting a bigger belly, I'll post the pic's in the preggers pic section when I get the chance. I hope all is well with everyone else, I'll keep you posted if anything else comes up.
This is kinda sad in a way but, I am glad to see that you've got everything under control. Your family and your friends are your support system in this, which takes a significant amount of stress off of you. What's sad about it though is that this happens to a lot of women these days who think that the guy is going to be honest and own up to his responsibilities.
My friend Beatriz is pretty much going through the same thing except now, she took the baby's daddy to court for child support (which was the best thing she could have done for the baby) and even went a few steps further; she got a job, started going back to school and even found herself a guy that - so far, at least from what I have been seeing - is treating her right. They now are on their way too marriage with their second child.
Of course, not every story goes like this and in many cases, people - more times than none - aren't that lucky but, I just want you to know that I'm pullin' for ya. My prayers go out to you and the baby.
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This is kinda sad in a way but, I am glad to see that you've got everything under control. Your family and your friends are your support system in this, which takes a significant amount of stress off of you. What's sad about it though is that this happens to a lot of women these days who think that the guy is going to be honest and own up to his responsibilities.
My friend Beatriz is pretty much going through the same thing except now, she took the baby's daddy to court for child support (which was the best thing she could have done for the baby) and even went a few steps further; she got a job, started going back to school and even found herself a guy that - so far, at least from what I have been seeing - is treating her right. They now are on their way too marriage with their second child.
Of course, not every story goes like this and in many cases, people - more times than none - aren't that lucky but, I just want you to know that I'm pullin' for ya. My prayers go out to you and the baby.
Thanks, It really helps to vent to people and get everything out. I know life is going to be hard and that after the baby is born that it's going to get harder, but I know how much of a blessing a child is. I'm glad your friend is doing better, Ive talked to a lot of people in my position and they are in and out of their relationship with the father. I know how unhealthy that would be for me and my child, plus Ive lost all the feeling I used to have for him after all of this. My family could not be happier that I'm handling it the way I am, everyone has said I'm going to make a great mom and said if I ever need anything to let them know. My cousin's are having baby's too so they are giving me a lot of advice and I'm sure still will after he/she is born. Other then having a cold (I think I have one anyway) I'm feeling so much better.
__________________
A mother is god in the eyes of a child.
You have a good head on your shoulder, and a lot of people I know would not have everything set like this. Mad props to you and hopefully everything will go well during the birth.
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You have a good head on your shoulder, and a lot of people I know would not have everything set like this. Mad props to you and hopefully everything will go well during the birth.
I hope so too, but on a sadder note my grandmother died on Friday. Her wake was yesterday and the funeral was today. This was to be her first great grandchild, I wish she was able to see it. Whats weird though is that I'm upset that she died but I can't cry about it. She did know that I was pregnant before she died so I'm glad she knew that. I wasn't that close to her or my grandfather so that might be one of the reasons I'm not all that upset about it. The first thing that came to mind when my dad called me to tell me was how happy she was to find out I was having a baby. I thought of all the good memories, none of the bad ones came to mind. I know that she'll be there to watch over the baby before and after I have it so thats also comforting. I'm not a religious person at all, but for funerals and such I have no problem behaving (most of the time). The whole time I was sitting in church all I could think about is Dane Cook (when he did the whole peace thing) and south park (when Stan was trying to give his dad an erection). I had to stop myself from cracking up the whole time, I felt horrible but it helped me cope with it better I guess. I'm guessing it will hit me little by little cause it didn't hit me like the rest of my family. Other then that things are well, I started to go out with my ex again but we are taking things slow. I don't want to rush into anything and he knows it. I think thats all I can write at the moment, not much goes on in my life ha ha. I hope all is well with you guys
__________________
A mother is god in the eyes of a child.
How about u sit his parents down and explain to them that although you want them to be a part of the babies life, you are considering giving the baby your names as it will avoid confusiong for it in the future. coz once the baby is old enough to notice it has the same surname as its grandparents, it'll be a bit confusing for him/her, also if u and your ex end up having a relationship, baby will wonder why it calls your ex daddy, but they dont have the same second name, whereas if you gave it your name you could say that you decided to give it mommys name instead.
my cousin was like they, his biological dad wasnt arround so his mom agve him her surname then when she got with my uncle and got married the kid kept his moms maiden name, it caused less confusion for it, size i'd imagin to a 4 year old changing its surname could be a bit confusing.
Also by sitting his parents own and discussing/explaining things it will make them feel more involved in the decision and hence less likely to resent you/get upset that it doesnt have their name
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Last edited by Kalia; 04-19-2008 at 10:24 AM.
Reason: had more to add.
02-24-2008, 06:55 AM
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