Hypothetical Situation

**Ristaron** · #1 (**permalink**) 11-21-2007, 09:58 PM

I touched briefly on this "What If" scenario in a rant I posted at some ungodly hour last night, and I'd like to explore it a little more.

Suppose you meet someone who has recently been diagnosed terminally ill. Most people would do their best to avoid thinking about it and attempt a normal friendship. But, suppose it becomes something more, and you become emotionally attached in a deeper way than just friendship. The person has three or four, maybe five years to live, and despite this they go on a limb, and using the strength of the relationship you two have, they ask you to marry them.
Would you be able to go through with it? Would you be able to devote yourself to someone who would, by all certainty, be ripped from your arms in a very short period of time?

We're not talking the usual "let's get married" couple just out of college, naive and unknowing that divorce is a very likely possibility after three or four years? We're talking a really deep relationship that transcends mere affection and camaraderie.

No poll for this, I want in-depth explanations of your stances.

Static · 11-22-2007, 12:21 AM

eh, touchy subject man, this is a really tough choice. I would say yes, just to experience all the stuff you would go through with that person, and I think you would be glad you did in the end. Especially if you just kinda fell in love with the other person, like even if you were trying not to, I think that would add to the specialness of the relationship. And I'm a believer in the old philosophy It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...

**Ristaron** · 11-25-2007, 03:46 AM

Is that all? Nobody else has an opinion?

maggiesxrevenge · 11-25-2007, 04:02 PM

I would say yes because if you indeed have this love for them and it goes beyond your regular i love you and such then the only reason you would say no is because of the fact that they will be ripped from your arms in a few years. However if you truely love someone you should stick by them until the end. Marriage is all the same...at some point your loved one is going to die...in this situation you know when but that shouldn't stop you from having a happy and amazing few years together.

NachtEngel · 11-25-2007, 04:12 PM

I would say yes for a few reasons. First, if I loved that person I would not want to make them miss out on a great life together while they were still here. It would be selfish to only think about the fact that they will not stay around for long. It will take a while to get over the loss but I would have at least known what was going to come. I think after a while I would be happy that I was able to do something good for a person that did not have much time left. If it came down to not being able to be with anyone else after they were gone then I could live with that.

everyone's favo · 11-25-2007, 06:05 PM

Go for it for all the same reasons Nacht said as well as the fact that I would live without what I would consider one of the biggest regrets: never finding out what could have happened. Hell, the fact that I could have denied someone their last chance at true happiness is bad enough on my conscious - at the same time, I would be denying myself the opportunity to enjoy something truly great.

Sure, after she dies, I wouldn't be able to date for a LONG while. But then I can truly say that I was alive.

**Ristaron** · 11-25-2007, 08:56 PM

And would anybody take that step of proposing to that terminally ill person? Would you be able to initiate?

To answer my own questions, Yes and Yes. If I loved the person enough, I would consider not accepting the proposal selfish. They only have so long to be happy, and if I shared their feelings it would be insensitive to decline. However, I come to this conclusion because I am consummately rational and regard everything as an equation. Five years of happiness for me; the rest of their life for them. What's a year or two of widower depression in exchange for that?
As for if I would propose... something that would assault my judgment enough to consider the possibility over the possible repercussions shows that the person is truly worth it. I trust my instincts, given that I don't believe in any higher order than my own mind.

I know this might seem like it's cheapening the value of "love", but I don't live my life driven by whims. I meticulously calculate every major decision and sometimes veer towards indecisive. Certainly I value happiness in the equation, and I consider the happiness of both parties equally in a case like this.

Also, another conversation point: if you were the terminally ill person and you were proposed to by somebody you had feelings for, how would you respond?

I would make certain that the person is emotionally mature enough to handle my inevitable death, and also I would heavily weigh how selfish it would be for me to accept such an arrangement; I would get the rest of my life, they would suffer years afterwards -- in relation to the value of the feelings between us.
If the person was truly prepared for what was ahead and had the character to propose, I would be compelled to honour their conviction as much as my feelings for them.

**Brother of Yeshua** · 11-25-2007, 09:34 PM

Any relationship you form runs the risk of an individual dying. This relationship is no different. It just forces a more rational, mature, and understanding view of death. I'd have no problem with this assuming they were the "one for me."

As for being the terminally ill person, I don't know. If I would actually consider marrying the person, I'd hope I knew them well enough to know if they could handle it or not. But I honetly do not know if I would be willing to accept.

A very tough scenario.

SpicedSugar · 11-25-2007, 10:00 PM

In answer to your first question, i would say yes... probably without hesitation. I wouldn't even think of death. Death will happen; it's inevitable.. frankly, i'm not afraid of it. and i would be much happier knowing that i can share a brief amount of time with the one i love and helped (in my case) him through it as well.

in answer to your second question, i wouldn't propose. Hypocritical, i know. However, i've seen the look some people have when i've been shot at or stabbed. it horrifies them. i've lost a lot of friends to this fear death has on people. I wouldn't want that from the one i love. I never would want it to hurt them. and... seems childish, but i would write them a letter, and not let them know about it til i die; and it would read a little about how i want them to move on... b/c (w/e their belief may be) i would want to know that there's someone else who can take care of them and love them, so i know that they'll live a longer, fuller life than i could ever hope to give them.

eLracho · 11-25-2007, 10:40 PM

I didn't read the other responses yet, but my answer: unquestionably, yes. I'd want to give them the best last few years they could possibly have, and spend as much time with them as they had left. Of course it would be hard, but I'd rather be sad that I'd lost them when they were gone than regret not being with them while they were still here.

Whether you believe it's hackneyed or not, I still believe "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."