How Much Does Kissing Mean to You?

**Ginevra** · #1 (**permalink**) 12-08-2007, 11:42 PM

Okay, this involves two friends which I will refer to as John and Sue.

Okay, so Sue is getting over a boyfriend, but they are kinda broke up because he is in the military and kinda for other reasons. But she is way lonely. She has had past problems of making out with people she didn't intend to and feeling like shit about it. She is kind of a flirt by nature, but John knew what she was going through. So she invites a few people over while I am in Colorado with my boyfriend, but only John shows up. So they watch a movie and he starts putting his arm around her and then all of a sudden he starts kissing her and she can't manage to make herself push him away.

This has happened before and she has had a long talk with him and I am pretty sure now that this is what it was about. He knows she hates herself for it and that she has a problem rejecting the attention when she's so lonely. This was in the summer and she didn't even tell me til a week ago.

He seems like a good friend and I just don't understand it. And then there is another guy who knew she didn't want anything and did similar.

The funny thing is, John was having a problem making out with girls and having lose relationships and so I made a $50 bet with him for a few months that he'd stay single, figuring on losing the money. He told me he'd won and he had kissed, etc. Sue 3 times.

Anyhow to guys I just wonder: If a girl kisses you back does that mean it's okay to do whatever she'll let you?

It seems to me to be the immorality of taking advantage of someone. Like right after a girl has a break up and is lonely and can help it and hopefully the guy says he won't do it.

And I heard this one guy we know asked when he got a kiss and if I would have been there I would have bitched him out. She is so stressed and confused and guys are being assholes to her and it's pissing me off. Hopefully this was in a coherent structure.

El Pirata · 12-08-2007, 11:55 PM

Wish I could help ya there, but no idea.

cheshirecat · 12-09-2007, 12:02 AM

In my humble opinion, I think it based on respect. I've found that when A guy respects a girl as a friend, even as just a person It will either A. only go as far as he knows he feels comfortable. In this case especially thinking john knows about sues problem. Or B. wouldn't let it happen at all. Not to only blame john here but maybe we should get sue out more. Get here some more friends she's comfy enough around that she can go to, to chase some of these blues away. Honestly it seems like sue wants to be with john, every other boy is just a replacement. I know another girl can not replace a lover....(well...) but lets face it, this kissing thing isn't helping; I'd hate to see sue do something she really regrets.

**Ristaron** · 12-09-2007, 02:14 AM

I don't make out with girls, sorry.

Static · 12-09-2007, 02:39 AM

lol, if Sue "can't" turn the guy down because she's starved for attention, and she doesn't want anything "bad" to happen between them, then obviously she shouldn't have John over...if that isn't clear to this chick, she deserves the feelings she ends up with, because she's an idiot, I'm sorry to say. Anybody can tell her that if it happened once before, it will happen again, she's kidding herself if she thinks it wont. And in my opinion, I kinda think she does want it to happen. But that's just the way I read it...

**Ginevra** · 12-09-2007, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ristaron

I don't make out with girls, sorry.

Lmao.

And we both kind of know John is a problem, but when he doesn't do that he seems like a good person but then this keeps happening. And he's coming into town next week and he doesn't know I'm angry at him, for lying to me and saying he won the bet at the very least.

I did talk to her and tell her that she needs to not be alone with guys if she can't make them back off. And she did try to have several people show up but John is the only one that did. And she did date John but she is focused elsewhere now and actually I don't think she's even going to hang out with him anymore. I think I am just so shocked he would take advantage of her because he has been a good friend of mine. And I think he's gotten better and then bam. I guess I'm just naive.

eDgE oF iNsAnItY · 12-09-2007, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Static

lol, if Sue "can't" turn the guy down because she's starved for attention, and she doesn't want anything "bad" to happen between them, then obviously she shouldn't have John over...if that isn't clear to this chick, she deserves the feelings she ends up with, because she's an idiot, I'm sorry to say. Anybody can tell her that if it happened once before, it will happen again, she's kidding herself if she thinks it wont. And in my opinion, I kinda think she does want it to happen. But that's just the way I read it...

Amen!

First off, let me say that I hate Sue. What I got from what you wrote is that her boyfriend went off to the military and Sue, the attention starved whore that she is, basically turned her back on him. Fucking Bitch!

But, just like Static said, if she is letting it happen, she most likely wants it to happen. If she for some reason, can't stop herself, well then she's got problems that are gonna probably cause her to make lots of shitty decisions in life.

But yes, however far a girl let's me take it, is how far I will take it. What kind of question is that? If she doesn't want it, she will say no. If she has some kind of problem saying no, well that isn't my fault. Now if I know she has some kind of problem saying no, and is all drama drama afterwards, well then I'll just stay away from her. Like there is this chick here that is always trying to get with me, but she's all drama drama and super attention starved. I just let her alone. Can't take unnecessary chances...

**Ginevra** · 12-09-2007, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eDgE oF iNsAnItY

Amen!

First off, let me say that I hate Sue. What I got from what you wrote is that her boyfriend went off to the military and Sue, the attention starved whore that she is, basically turned her back on him. Fucking Bitch!

But, just like Static said, if she is letting it happen, she most likely wants it to happen. If she for some reason, can't stop herself, well then she's got problems that are gonna probably cause her to make lots of shitty decisions in life.

But yes, however far a girl let's me take it, is how far I will take it. What kind of question is that? If she doesn't want it, she will say no. If she has some kind of problem saying no, well that isn't my fault. Now if I know she has some kind of problem saying no, and is all drama drama afterwards, well then I'll just stay away from her. Like there is this chick here that is always trying to get with me, but she's all drama drama and super attention starved. I just let her alone. Can't take unnecessary chances...

She didn't want to break up with him, but I think he said he thought they should when he left. She hasn't really been able to date anyone and he's been gone for quite awhile. And honestly with your answer and since she's single it's really fair play to take what she can get and that would make her just as much of a whore as you. Anything else is a double standard.

And there's a difference between wanting attention and wanting a certain person. She didn't mean to be alone with him. She really wants the guy in the military but she can't have him and she feels constantly lonely. And so when people offer her what she wants she generally doesn't take it, but then her guy friend, knowing how miserable his friend is, decides he can get something here! And before she knows it the attention she's getting is there, she forgets it's not who it's supposed to be for a second and then she doesn't know what she's doing and hates herself.

So is there no such thing as being taken advantage of?

eDgE oF iNsAnItY · 12-09-2007, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginevra

that would make her just as much of a whore as you.

HA HA! Well, if she is just as much of a whore as I am, then she is a big fucking slut! What a whore!

I feel dirty now...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ginevra

So is there no such thing as being taken advantage of?

Yes, there is. But I am more of a believer in the fact that people only do what they want to do in every situation. Now, in her state of loneliness and maybe depression, yes, this guy could be taking advantage of her, saying the right things at the right time and whatnot. But, like I already said, I believe that people do what they want to do. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe your friend is weak-minded and is able to be taken advantage of. Well, then she needs to toughen up and tell people "No" when she doesn't want to do something.

**Ginevra** · 12-09-2007, 01:16 PM

I have no arguement that she should have said no, it just bothers me that he did it. =/