how do you know....?

#1 (**permalink**) 10-03-2007, 10:32 PM

when your being cheated on? and, if you both agreed to a break from seeing each other so much but also agreed to not see other people and then he goes out of town for two weeks to hang out with his friends and acts weird the few times that he actually calls, does that mean something is going on? should i be worried? do you think that four years with someone is long enough to know if you can trust them or not?
am i crazy for worrying? am i just being paranoid, or do i have a good reason to worry? my gut tells me that somethings up but he tells me that he just needs some space. should i just act like i dont care and go out with my friends the way he's doing? or should i sit around and wait hoping that he doesnt forget about me? someone please help cuz i cant answer any of these questions i just keep coming up with new ones that i need answers to.

**Ginevra** · 10-03-2007, 10:37 PM

Well, I think in your situation you can't know, unless you send some detective or yourself after him, which I don't suggest.

Also, sorry, but it seems like taking abreak doesn't often lead back into a happy relationship. But one of the points of one is to have a life apart from them and possibly to see how it goes without them. Or yours may have a different purpose, what are you trying to accomplish with it?

Did you both decide it or was it one-sided?

Ol' Patty · 10-03-2007, 10:45 PM

Who knows. It's not like we know the guy better than you do. I don't get the whole "taking a break thing." If I was the guy and there was someone I was interested in I wouldn't hold back. Not seeing each other but agreeing not to see other people... What kind of sense does that make?

There isn't really enough information for me to give any advice though.

10-03-2007, 11:11 PM

i understand the break thing i guess i mean we have been together for the past four years and our live have become so intertwined it got to the point that i didnt know where he ended and i began. and the "break" doesnt bother me so much as him taking off as soon as we decided on the break. (notice i said we) he said that i should go out with my friends and have a good time which i dont mind but i dont need to go out and get fucked up with some guys to have a good time. and hes like 5 hours away he could be doing anything. im trying so hard not to care but the longer he goes with out calling the worse it gets, and then when he does call but he has an attitude like he doesnt need me and i just dont know what to do. should i just forget about him and deal with it when he gets back or should i just forget about it all together. i know you people dont know me but sometimes an outsiders opinion has more weight than your best friends.

Ol' Patty · 10-03-2007, 11:25 PM

Hmmm. Just ask him. Even if your wrong or right to worry you'll never know unless you talk to him or he lets you know. And I don't think you should just wait around for the answer if it's important to you.

Would he be understanding if you voiced your concerns to him?

However, if the purpose of this "break," is to avoid such concerns, then I think you should avoid thinking about or bringing it up until it's over. Afterwards, sit down and talk to him and tell him about everything you felt and thought while he was away.

No matter what, I think you should talk to him about it. Your the only one who will know which of those would be the better option though. Or neither.

maggiesxrevenge · 10-03-2007, 11:30 PM

if you have been in a relationship with him for 4 years you should be able to trust him, but you also should be able to come out and say how you feel to him. Ask him what you are asking us...are you cheating on me? just be straightforward but loving. Don't make him feel like you are cornering him and blaming him for something he might not have done.

everyone's favo · 10-04-2007, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggiesxrevenge

if you have been in a relationship with him for 4 years you should be able to trust him, but you also should be able to come out and say how you feel to him. Ask him what you are asking us...are you cheating on me? just be straightforward but loving. Don't make him feel like you are cornering him and blaming him for something he might not have done.

I agree with this statement....4 years is a lot of years to us right now....hell, thats 1/4th of your life! You should be able to trust someone after that.

10-04-2007, 12:22 PM

I wish it were that easy, but i have issues with trust. As soon as you trust someone you become completely vulnerable to them. I've never given anyone that kind of power. Maybe its my own fault for not trusting him, but I'd rather be prepared for the worst at all times that way it wont hurt as much. Compared to going around blind to the entire situation, and then one day out of no where he's like "ummm, i've been sleeping with this girl...." then i would have to do somethings that would put me in a place where i would never again be able to bask in the glory that is BeastToast

Ol' Patty · 10-04-2007, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by everyone's favo

I agree with this statement....4 years is a lot of years to us right now....hell, thats 1/4th of your life! You should be able to trust someone after that.

Just because you have known someone for a long time doesn't mean you can trust them. It all depends on the person.

**Ginevra** · 10-04-2007, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ol' Patty

Just because you have known someone for a long time doesn't mean you can trust them. It all depends on the person.

But someone you're dating is different. You picked that person. Do you think he'd cheat on you? I would hope that after 4 years of sticking with him you'd at least not expect it. The other worrying and doubts are natural, but you just have to know in your head that it makes no sense, and not act on it. My boyfriend went to college all last year while I was in high school. And a girl all of his ex's were worried about saw him all of the time. But I saw the problem in all of his past realtionships was that they thought he would, which he never did, and they fought. And I learned. Your first thought is instinct but your second thought is probably more intelligent.

I think you should just live your life normally as possible without him, see how it goes and then when it's over figure out if maybe you guys need to find a better balance of time together because it sounds like he wants a little more time apart, which doesn't mean anything necessarily.

And if you do catch him cheating, punch him in the face and don't look back. But don't look for it. Especially since he's not some guy you met in a bar and know nothing about. Good luck.