Help! We are losing her! :[

maggiesxrevenge · #1 (**permalink**) 09-21-2008, 03:31 PM

My friend Paige and I (Paige is on this forum her screename is Psych4life18) are having a problem with our friend Ari. I know this isn't a sexual relationship but its a friendship relationship and we are worried. Last night our RA, who she was in love with, said some mean shit about her to other people calling her obsessed and a freak. We told her and she got upset. Her friend was over and we don't approve of her because we feel like she doesn't care enough about her. When we told her what was said she freaked out and sent a message to him over facebook calling him an ass. He responded denying everything. Now all morning and day she has been talking to the friend that was over last night and her mom but instead of telling us what is wrong she is just brushing it off and leaving the room whenever she wants to talk a bout it with other people. She says that she isn't angry with us but she is becoming really distant. We are all bestfriends and we don't want to lose our friendship.

What do we do?

psych4life18 · 09-21-2008, 03:36 PM

hi everyone. i'm the other friend mentioned, Paige. anyway we could really use any advice as this is really bothering both of us, and we really don't wanna lose her friendship.

**eXosYn** · 09-21-2008, 03:50 PM

I think that she feels offended that you were involved in her business. However, standing by her no matter what will be the quality that will help her the most. Though she may have "loved" the RA with everything she had, she should realize that though mean things have been said to her, they are just that - words. As far as the other friend goes, she is going to make her own decisions for the good or the bad, and because of that, she really, really needs to learn from them. I've tried to point out things to friends of mine, and they have not wanted to listen.

Even though they didn't want to listen, I was still there. I may have been right and told them, yet I did what was hardest - I stood by and watched them get hurt. Because of that, they saw that no matter what their decisions were, I was going to stand by them. It may take a while for her to come around to everything, but she's at least talking to her mom, which I think is good. The other friend - maybe not as much.

My answer summed up for you: be there for her..and for heaven's sake, give her a hug from me..I think she could really use it.

**Brother of Yeshua** · 09-21-2008, 07:43 PM

I agree with exosyn, also, it's kind of out of place for you to be telling her who she should or shouldn't be friends with.

If you are there for her, and this other friend is shady and is using her or whatever you two think makes her "not good enough," you're friend will come back to you when this other person lets her down.

I know that if one of my friends told me I shouldn't be friends with someone else, I'd get pissed and defensive about it.

maggiesxrevenge · 09-21-2008, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eXosYn

I think that she feels offended that you were involved in her business. However, standing by her no matter what will be the quality that will help her the most. Though she may have "loved" the RA with everything she had, she should realize that though mean things have been said to her, they are just that - words. As far as the other friend goes, she is going to make her own decisions for the good or the bad, and because of that, she really, really needs to learn from them. I've tried to point out things to friends of mine, and they have not wanted to listen.

Even though they didn't want to listen, I was still there. I may have been right and told them, yet I did what was hardest - I stood by and watched them get hurt. Because of that, they saw that no matter what their decisions were, I was going to stand by them. It may take a while for her to come around to everything, but she's at least talking to her mom, which I think is good. The other friend - maybe not as much.

My answer summed up for you: be there for her..and for heaven's sake, give her a hug from me..I think she could really use it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother of Yeshua

I agree with exosyn, also, it's kind of out of place for you to be telling her who she should or shouldn't be friends with.

If you are there for her, and this other friend is shady and is using her or whatever you two think makes her "not good enough," you're friend will come back to you when this other person lets her down.

I know that if one of my friends told me I shouldn't be friends with someone else, I'd get pissed and defensive about it.

We never actually said she shouldn't be friends with the other one. Thank you for the advice and we are going to take it and always stand by her because we care about her. We aren't trying to control her life, that would be stupid we just don't want her to make any bad decisions. But we don't want her to be pissed at us so if she makes a bad decision we will stand by her no matter what. Just like we did last night.

psych4life18 · 09-21-2008, 08:43 PM

just a sidenote we never told/encouraged her to not be friends with her. We would never tell her who to be friends with, that just wouldn't be our place.

maggiesxrevenge · 09-21-2008, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psych4life18

just a sidenote we never told/encouraged her to not be friends with her. We would never tell her who to be friends with, that just wouldn't be our place.

Yes. Agreed.

**eXosYn** · 09-21-2008, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psych4life18

just a sidenote we never told/encouraged her to not be friends with her. We would never tell her who to be friends with, that just wouldn't be our place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggiesxrevenge

Yes. Agreed.

>Corrected. Thanks.

El Pirata · 09-21-2008, 10:56 PM

yea exosyn and yeshua know what they are talking about, just listen to what they said, and everything should turn out fine.

**SARS-expl0ted** · 09-22-2008, 06:10 AM

Another thing you guys should do is try not to force her to talk about it. She might feel as if you guys are pushing it all on her or something like that. Just kind of sit back and if she wants/needs advice from you then she will come to you. That is all you really can do.