Question for the Men

Kaylii · #1 (**permalink**) 05-29-2008, 12:16 PM

Reason 1 I shouldn't be alone all day: I think of really odd questions about myself >_>

How afraid are you of going into a relationship with a good friend, that MIGHT ruin your friendship with her?
I'm talking like, a good 1 - 3 years of being good friends with her, maybe even more, then be like.. ohshit she's what I wanna be with in life

Just thinking about the guy friends I have in life. Then realized that.... somehow I feel like a couple of them might have been afraid of maybe ruining our friendship together if we went into something deeper than decided it wasn't going to work out in the end.
Granted, the close friendship I had with a guy of over 3 years ended in a splat, and THAT might have something to do with it because I refused to talk to him after we broke up in the last year of knowing each other, but only because he turned out to be a dickweed and was not at all good to be around.

/end life talk

But yesh.. I want to know o.o Strange question but oh well lol

**Opunaya** · 05-29-2008, 12:31 PM

Personally, I do think getting to be friends first is a good idea. Because when you go out on a date with someone, you're not getting to really know that person, you're meeting a ideal version of that person...and only later you'll see how awful they are...at least, that usually happens to me. When you're friends, you get to see that person's true self.

everyone's favo · 05-29-2008, 12:34 PM

It depends on the person, really. Me personally, I over evaluate everything, so often I won't take "no" road. Sure, I'm a very open person, but I also have a huge fear of relationships... and hell, I'm closer to the ladies I had a fling with than the ones I had a relationship with (except for this current one... she has been helping me open up a lot, and I can say we developed towards having more than just a relationship and/or a friendship)

So my answer would steer more towards the no - mainly because of my history with relationships.

**Arcángel** · 05-29-2008, 12:45 PM

This isn't exactly advice but, just my thoughts on it to contribute.

I have the perfect situation for this. I went through a time, very recently, that I fell for someone who I knew as a real good friend of mine, and to me, she still is. She's been there for me through thick and thin and all in all, she's a real sweet person.

Smart, funny, cute, fun to be around, easy to talk to, you know? My kind of girl. 2 things brought up red flags for me though that stopped me in my tracks - one, she lived a long distance, and two, she had a bf at the time. I did something real stupid in not talking to her for a while and well, that put a bigger dent in the friendship than I thought it would.

As soon as we began talking again, I apologized and I pretty much fessed up to what was behind my real dumb decision...I fell for her, like a ton of bricks. I may not have lost her but, the friendship, as it stands right now, has suffered a pretty big blow.

The shit is, after I dated one of my friends (who I have known for like 8 years), shit went sour real fast after things just up and changed out of the blue.

I couldn't do that again. I mean, I consider my friends to be family and I look out for them as if they were. My connections to them are that strong but, when it does change, I admit, I get scared that shit will go wrong and I'll lose them.

**Ristaron** · 05-29-2008, 03:42 PM

Hm... well, in general I don't date long-time friends... of either gender. I tend to go through romances rather quickly because I get bored of people. I maintain friendships by not being around the person all the time so I don't find ways to push their buttons for my own amusement.

Static · 05-29-2008, 04:17 PM

I've had it both ways, personally I think going the friends route is a lot better. When I meet a girl for the first time, the attraction factor is purely physical, as I don't know anything about her. Opyu said it best, everyone puts up a front on first dates, even you (me), wheather we know it/do it or not. Getting to know someones true personality before you think about any type of relationship with them will benifit you, them, and the relationship in the long run.

Also, from my perspective, I have a couple friends like you're talking about, I've considered what a relationship would be like with them, as I'm sure they have with me, if one were to ever happen, I'd like to think our friendship as is would be strong enough to make sure however the gf/bf relationship ended, the friendship would still be intact. I realize it's a lot easier said than done, and shit can happen, but to be honest the chick would have to do something exceptionally disgusting for me to just be like "fuck this 10 year friendship, I NEVER want to see you again!". (cheat on me, etc...)

Aphrodisiac · 05-29-2008, 10:14 PM

If I have a really good friend chances are I wouldn't try and start a relationship with them. It would depend on how long we had been friends and how close we are. I would however give any of my friends a chance if they were the one to ask. If I care about someone enough to call them a real friend then they deserve a chance if it's wanted. The only ones I might not give another chance to are ones I dated in the past.

**Ristaron** · 06-01-2008, 02:39 AM

"Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals, speak on every subject; then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge, and, on that day, you will finally meet the man." - Shan Yu (Firefly)

Just seemed fitting because of the 'you can't know someone' direction that the discussion took up.

A_JoshChang_Story · 11-07-2008, 02:10 AM

if you're looking for something serious... friends... FRIENDS!!! if you have commitment issues or just dont see yourself settling... HAVE FUN. play the field. dont lose a friend for nothing. or a little something something... oh yeah.

Ol' Patty · 11-07-2008, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opunaya

Personally, I do think getting to be friends first is a good idea. Because when you go out on a date with someone, you're not getting to really know that person, you're meeting a ideal version of that person...and only later you'll see how awful they are...at least, that usually happens to me. When you're friends, you get to see that person's true self.

I agree with Opu. Hell... Someone could even be your friend with the same result. Happens all the time.(showing an ideal version of that person I mean.) I think it is definitely better to get to know someone over a long period of time first.

It is really a situational thing, I think. It could ruin your friendship. Or it could be something wonderful. Just depends on the situation and what is involved.