Need some advice...

4n7hr4x · #1 (**permalink**) 01-01-2008, 12:16 PM

Okay this a long story so bare with me…

My Dad sells a product in the United States manufactured by a company in his home country in the EU. I work for my Dad and last summer I went to visit the company for a month for a sort of internship, to learn about the production process and to know my way around the product better. So the company has one woman who overseas the US market and is my Dad’s main contact when dealing with with just about everything. So this lady arranged for me to live with her mother while I stay there for the month. The daughter of that woman is my age and basically I hung out with her a lot that first year as she introduced me to all of her friends. I came back this summer again and did the same thing over again. I’m like a part of their family I eat dinner with them every night, birthday’s and all that, it’s a small town too so when I go out at night I usually run into one of them.

I took a semester off from school to visit again, I’m going through a sort of mid-life crisis at 20 and I decided to visit again, not for business or anything but just take a break from everything. I don’t think this plays any role, but I just wanted to point that out and avoid answers that ask if I’m in Europe during the summer, why am I worrying about this several months after.

Anyway to say that the daughter of that lady is hot would be an understatement, but she had a boyfriend that first year and I had no problem being strictly friends. So when I came back this October, I found out that she was on and off with her boyfriend and the first day I saw her she gave me the impression that she liked me, and really she just seemed to act differently around me than when I saw her last. The stupid thing though is that the next day she was completely different again, I guess that’s when I got interested in her and despite trying to spend more time with her it proved difficult/impossible because she was working all the time. I was here for 2 months and I hadn’t gone out with her even once (During the summer we would hang out once a week I'd go with her and her friends and just have fun), I saw her every weekend but she kept saying that she was busy and blah, blah, blah… Although she really was working damn near always but just completely unwilling to take any time off or to call and try to plan anything. If she made any plans with me she would always cancel last minute. Like she said that her and her friends were gonna go skiing and asked if I wanted to come, and then the day before I brought it up and she said that they canceled the trip. For Christmas she said she was also working late and would like to hang out afterwards, she didn’t even leave the town were she works and spent the night there. Then she said she would like to spend New Year’s Eve with me and my other friends, she said she had to work that day but that she would call me afterwards, she didn’t call or pick up her phone and spent the night in the town were she works.

Basically, the part that she is completely uninterested in me is not the issue, its that she keeps blowing me off for basically no reason what so ever. I don’t even know why the hell she has to lie to me and frankly I’m done dealing with her. Even if you look at this from a strictly “friends only” point of view its just downright disrespectful what shes doing and I don’t like those kinds of qualities in the people I would call my friends. Considering the relationship we have I can’t simply erase her number tell her politely to never call me again and so on and so forth as I have done hundreds of times already to other people. So I need some advice what should I do, no matter what I will still have to see her from time to time.

*EDIT*
Basically my only question is how do I tell her to just leave me alone. Should I go with the extreme approach of just flat out telling her how I feel, or the ignore her as much as possible and eventually she'll figure it out approach or something in between.

**Ginevra** · 01-01-2008, 02:38 PM

I would go for telling her how you feel, and giving her a chance to do something, and then I guess just go out and do stuff without her if nothing changes. I agree that there is a respect that you should always have with friends even if they are never going to be more.

Maybe she noticed you like her (I can't remember from previous posts whether you'd said anyhting to her about that) and is trying to give you hints? Like to back off a bit. I dunno if that is likely depnding on how obvious it is and how it's obvious, etc. etc. Those are my thoughts.

Static · 01-01-2008, 02:55 PM

I'd say tell her your tired of the games, you're a straight forward person and you don't like to be toyed with. I'm sure she'll get it, if someone is doing something wrong you should always tell them.

4n7hr4x · 01-02-2008, 03:14 PM

Well the deed is done. I hope this doesn't come around to bite me in the ass, but then again to say that I care would be an extreme exaggeration.

If you disrespect me, and expect me to just swallow that bullshit, you're sadly mistaken.

I sent her an e-mail basically telling her to just not call or e-mail me anymore and that if she wants to visit California, I can't stop her, but won't have any time to spend with her to show her around...

Originally I was going to send like several paragraphs, but I got drunk before I sent it and ended up shortening it to just a few sentences.

I only have a week before I return to SoCal, fuck I miss the warm weather, its been a steady below zero for the past several weeks... 20-30 degrees every day.

Static · 01-02-2008, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4n7hr4x

Well the deed is done. I hope this doesn't come around to bite me in the ass, but then again to say that I care would be an extreme exaggeration.

If you disrespect me, and expect me to just swallow that bullshit, you're sadly mistaken.

I sent her an e-mail basically telling her to just not call or e-mail me anymore and that if she wants to visit California, I can't stop her, but won't have any time to spend with her to show her around...

Originally I was going to send like several paragraphs, but I got drunk before I sent it and ended up shortening it to just a few sentences.

I only have a week before I return to SoCal, fuck I miss the warm weather, its been a steady below zero for the past several weeks... 20-30 degrees every day.

lol, to top it all off, you could be like 'oh you know what, if you come visit California, I probably can show you around a little bit.' then when she get's there, be like "oh you know what, I have to work..." ahaha!

It's fuckin' cold here man, I don't think it's topped 75 since November...

**Nøz** · 01-04-2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolwut

Have you tried calling her fat?

That doesnt always work.

4n7hr4x · 01-07-2008, 08:59 AM

Okay now I'm even more confused, basically I still have feelings for her, but I can't see myself in a relationship with her ever, I'd F**K her and thats about it, but I'm just so fed up with her bullshit, I spent two months trying to figure her out and I'm about to completely give up and ignore her just because I can't take this mental cluster f**k anymore.

Okay so I sent her the email, and she replied saying that she had no idea where this was coming from and that she was very sad when she read the e-mail. I felt like a jackass and started apologizing... I know, I'm too easy and WAY to forgiving... so I sent her the email on like Wednesday and on Friday I told my buddies I would come visit, but not spend the night. On my way she texts me and says that obviously we need to talk about all this, so I agree and told her I was coming anyway and that whenever she has time we can meet. So I'm with my buddies and she actually keeps her promise and calls and we actually meet, wow was I surprised. Now heres where I get really confused, from the feeling I get from her, we're just friends as far as she's concerned, yet she walks into the bar dressed F**KING HOT!!! I mean picture a loud noisy bar filled with guys, the door opens and a hot babe walks in, the room goes quite and heads turn. Now we've gone out 3 times in 2 1/2 months and each time it was just for a drink or two, even though I told her I would rather go out with her and her friends. So I don't understand why she basically ignores me, won't do anything other with me than meet me for a few drinks dressed in a manner that I need a cup just to collect the drool from my mouth. So we start talking in a crowded/loud bar which I told her was a bad idea, but we did find a quieter spot later. She basically tells me that its hard for her because she works so much,... blah,blah,blah. I told her I was sorry for being so harsh but that I still resented her for the lack of effort on her part in trying to spend time with someone she claims to be her friend. I mean 3 nights or only a few drinks in 2 1/2 months is F**KING PATHETIC. And even with the crazy hours that she claims to be working she still had time to go party several times (that I know of) in the town where she works, and then spend the night there... with whom I wonder?? She had two days off on the 1st and 2nd of Jan, yet did not call me to arrange anything, and who knows how many times she had a day off and didn't bother to call me. Now I'm fine with her having boyfriend, hell when I met her she was involved with some guy and she had no problem inviting me along back then to parties and stuff. And I completely understand that if you're in a relationship your significant other in Numero Uno, but I mean for F**K sake I'm visiting from across the globe for 2 1/2 months and the best she can do is 3 drinks...

Oh and back to the story, so that night she was all sorry and everything and actually went with me to hang out with my friends for a short time, which is something she never did before, and when she left I went with her and she said we could meet the next day for coffee or something by her work when she finishes at around 4-5pm... The next day I was waiting at home for her to call, she calls at 5:30-6:00PM to say that shes too tired.

I mean... I don't even know what to say, so help me out guys. Oh and I should point out too that when she does cancel with me, the next time she sees me she NEVER asks to reschedule or to say, "Hey sorry about yesterday... are you free tomorrow?"

I'm pretty sure she's f**king some guy, but why she feels that I can't know is just WAY beyond me. Its like she's completely changed from when I saw her over the summer. At this point the only reason I'm pulling out my hairs over her is because I just can't figure her out.

And please keep the "You're WAY too easy" comments to a minimum