Living in a shell

Ramirez67 · 08-12-2007, 07:06 PM

I can't be bothered having a boyfriend because they are to much of a hassle.
Yet I flirt with everyone, and I don't even mean to, it just happens. So then they think I like them. Which is terrible. and then if they ask me out and I say no, he ends up pissed off and hurt because I led him on and I end up angry with myself. I have had so many guys ask me out in the past few years and everytime I have said no, even if I really did like them. I think that the reason I say no is because 40% of me cant be bothered and 60% doesnt have the fucking guts. Im nearly 16 and I am a virgin (there is nothing wrong with that) but I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend. I think that it is pretty pathetic. I dont have much confidence, but it has been getting better. I still doubt myself everyday. Im like why would somebody want to go out with me? I am an annoying little bitch, what good would I be to them? I'm just sick of living in a shell, yet I can't seem to find my way of it. The other thing is I always seem to like older guys, much older guys. Is there a problem with that, Whay do I do it? I need to feel loved, someone who will value and acknowledge me. I can't stand all those immature shits a school they are all so fucking stupid and they play fucking mind games with you (not that I can talk) and then they run of to thier fucking mothers when they don't get what they want.

I am some fucked up cookie. I need help, I think. I need confidence, I need someone to pick me up and get me out of this fucking hellhole I am in. I need to stop driking in the mornings.

everyone's favo · 08-12-2007, 07:24 PM

Well, a couple comments on this:

A. You need to stop putting yourself down! Once you stop doing this, you'll realize how good of a person you are. If you don't like the way you are, then change for yourself, not for someone else. Try out new things and have fun doing it, because this is the time in your life when you can do it. Don't waste it thinking and questioning, just do it!

B. Its natural for people to swing their preference towards age/race/stereotype/something stupid. Its just what your attracted to. Although, being 15, means you won't be able to date most of these guys unless they are pigs. Not saying your not mature, but its just creepy to date a girl that young.

C. I know people who never been kissed and they are between the ages of 18 to 21. Its normal, and nothing really wrong with it. Some of these people are just really waiting for the right person to sweep them off their feet.

D. I'm a flirtatious person as well, and I can tell you from experience, that it is better to tell the person your true feelings. I have broke a lot of hearts, yes, but that still doesn't stop me from being myself. Just as you said, its just the way you talk to people.

E. At your age, most guys just want to taste the pink taco. Its an age of exploration and curiosity; breaking down barriers and truly trying to figure life out. I'm not saying just give in to these guys, but I'm just saying take the time and possible get to know these guys. If they aren't what your looking for, let them know. If at all possible, tell the guys you like you want to be friends and see if it goes anywhere. At that point, your not leading them on.

F. Yes, we are a hassel. But we do it because we love women, lol.

4n7hr4x · 08-16-2007, 12:07 AM

I can relate very much to what you are going though. You have it easier, at least guys approach you, all you have to do is say "yes", being a guy I'm the one that has to do the approaching and sweet talking, not an easy task when you have no self-esteem, when you hate how you look, when you constantly convince yourself that you're worthless and that no girl in their right mind would ever even talk to you... Plus your only 15/16, sure its a good time to get some "practice" in, something I desperately should have done. Now where am I...

I'm 20, not a Virgin, but might as well consider myself one, never been in a legitimate relationship, never known what its like to wake up next to someone you love,... Now I've pretty much given up all hope, and as a result in life in general, tried to kill myself several times, and now I'm on Anti-depressants that don't completely keep me from being depressed, just make it so I can't cry at all even though I sometimes sit in my room for hours going over my shitty life, wondering where I fucked up, and when the pain in my chest is too intense I try to punch holes in the wall and cry, but no tears because of the drugs. And upon realizing that I'm in my room trying to punch a hole in the wall to take my mind of the pain in my chest while trying to cry, only compounds my depression. At which point I reach the conclusion that I've gone absolutely fucking insane, and that I can't even trust myself to make any proper decisions, I reach the absolute peak of depression, or rather the lowest point I could possibly reach, its like going to hell, but in your mind.

I would hate to see anyone else end up where I am, although something this severe I'm sure is genetic and you don't have to worry too much. I only hope that if I help you realize you don't actually have it that bad, that it will somehow help you get over this problem.

My advice, say yes if you like the guy, you don't have to sleep with him and I would prefer you didn't anyway, but with older guys that may be hard. The point is this isn't a time for "exploration" just for guys, but girls to or at least I would assume so.

**Ginevra** · 08-16-2007, 01:06 AM

You're me two years ago, except without the guys approaching so much and a little less flirting. I agree with everyone's favo that you should figure out what you don't like about yourself, and stop being it. Or what I also do is look at what other people do that pisses me off and I try my damndest not to do it myself.

I don't know if you're like me, I am shy if I don't know you and a random dork if you do. But I used to sit and wonder if the people I was sitting with would notice if I never sat there again. What you can do is look around and see that no one is perfect. And the people you hang out aren't better than you, just more open.

The guys I am finally with I trust because I knew him years before we dated. And I found him in higschool, believe it or not. The mature ones are there, you just have to pick them out from the 'immature shits'. And I also agree that if you think you might like them, just say yes. If it doesn't work out, that's what dumping is for.

Also the fact that you haven't dating might be the same reason I didn't want to date anyone in middle school. There's no relationship really, you just hang out at school and stuff. I always thought those were dumb. Also, it was like a week or so into my second relationship before a peck on the lips happened. Wherever you're at with that stuff is fine, move at your own pace.

And now I'm just rambling. >>

Inquiring_Mindfuck · 08-16-2007, 08:15 AM

Well, to be honest, it seems that girls mature faster than guys, which is why you tend to like guys who are older than yourself. When I was in high school, I could have been in a relationship with a good friend, but I didn't want to risk messing up our friendship because I valued her more as a friend than a potenial mate.

I think I made the right decision, but as for you, you just really need to either find someone around your age that is on your level, or wait until you are in college.

Ramirez67 · 10-15-2007, 11:17 PM

I found this while reseaching my english assignment and I thought it was really interesting. Perhaps this refers to me, I'm unsure. My parents divorced when I was three and I havn't seen my dad since I was 5 however we still remain in contact through the occasional email or txt. But anyway, as I read it, I realsied that although most of this relates to me I have never really realised it before. I mean, I don't often think about my parents divorce or anything, I don't remember it at all so I don't really care. But, truly I think some of it may relate to me even thought I have never thought about most of these things before, they bother me on a subconcious level.

What is the sleeper effect?

The sleeper effect most often affects daughters of divorced parents. It typically affects them in late adolescence or early adulthood, when the psychosocial crisis of intimacy is being resolved. It is defined as living with an intolerable level of anxiety and fear of betrayal in romantic relationships. They are fearful of issues regarding commitment and love and often do not trust a trustworthy partner. It is considered a sleeper effect of divorce because it is an effect that may not be seen for years after the divorce has taken place. The sleeper effect occurs at a time when older adolescents must make decisions about commitment, sex, and love. When older adolescents experience the sleeper effect, they are connecting anxious feelings about their parent's divorce and anxious feelings toward their own relationship (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989). Many times girls who experience the sleeper effect seem better adjusted socially, emotionally, and academically immediately following the divorce. They encounter the sleeper effect in their late adolescence or early adulthood when they enter their first serious relationship (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989). Adolescent boys generally do not experience the sleeper effect (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989).

The outcomes of the sleeper effect often include:

- Depression, sorrow, and neediness (Wallerstein & Corbin, 1989).
Anxiousness about making long term commitments (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989).
- A preoccupation with thoughts that their romantic partners are unfaithful (Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989).
- These girls often have sexual relationships with much older men.Many times girls suffering from this condition may look to these older men as father figures (Wallerstein & Corbin, 1989).
- Having fears about being alone or abandoned (Wallerstein & Corbin, 1989).

acutelyaware · 10-16-2007, 09:58 AM

You will always attract the guys you act like. If you play mind games, then the ones that do it too will play right back. If you are looking for a real first kiss, be the kind of person you want to give you one, and he will be found more easily.

Good luck and have fun, don't drink-you're only 16! And DON"T WORRY! Again, you're only 16!

Ramirez67 · 10-17-2007, 08:46 PM

lol thanks acutelyaware. Your photo reminds me of a friend of mine and you speak just like her to lol. Hmmm.... Where are you from?

Thats really sweet advice though, thanks again.

10-22-2007, 05:37 AM

Your opening statement was

I can't be bothered having a boyfriend because they are to much of a hassle.

Yet you go on to say.

but I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend.

So if you've never had a b/f how do you know there to much of a hassle, you cannot let other people/family/friends, experiences with there other halves be an example for you............

Chill · 10-22-2007, 09:31 AM

i lived in a shell once. things are terrible to clean, but being a crab is fun.

You just gotta get yourself some self esteme and get out there, theres always someone that fits the bill.

It sounds like its easier for youngens in England, considering it's less strict over here, and we can get hold of alcohol easier at a younger age.

Dont rush it though. I lost my virginity when i had just turned 15 and i kinda regret it.