Flat Issues

Kalia · #1 (**permalink**) 04-26-2008, 06:08 AM

I'm at ui at the moment living in a student flat with my friends. yesterday the second one of my friends was diagnosed with depression, she packed up and went home without saying goodbye, this is fair enough because she probably isnt feeling that great and i was in an exam at the time, but when i found out i txt her (saying miss you home you feel better at home lots of ugs etc) she hasnt replied. it just feels a bit odd

the first friend was diagnosed with depression last term, she was a self harmer with a lot of issues which we tried to deal with, i feel faint at the sight of blood so couldnt help her with the self harm side of things so my boyfriend (who lives with us) used to help her out, anyway eventually we got he rto go to the doctors and councelors and see someone. but over the holidays she's developed a crush/obsession with my boyfriend. she'd decided he's the only one who can make her better and she went through a stage of giving me the evils whenever i was in a room with him, she also at one point took to self harming whenever i spent any time alone with him. stuff has been going on with her for like 15 weeks now and we have all reached the end of our patients and ability to help her, she wont go to the councelor because she decided that the councelor wont tell her anything new so its pointless going, and the doctor wot see her unless she's had a counceling session so she's getting no professional help. she's also taken to giving her knives to my bf for safe keeping, swhich to me seems like she#s tryign to keep a hold on him. anyway now she doesnt have her knifes she's starte not eating properly and going for runs every night and weighing herself every day. eventually my boyfriend ran out of patients with her and said he couldnt help her any more and now she hides in her room and when she comes out is god damn aweful to try and old a conversation with.

if anyone has any input on this situation would be very nice

**Opunaya** · 04-26-2008, 06:42 AM

Quit having crazy friends.

I think you need to sit down with your boyfriend, discuss the situation with him and the you two talk to her about it.

**Kelley** · 04-26-2008, 06:43 AM

Dude...what in the hell is wrong with people these days.......
It sounds like she doesn't really want help at all. You may have to force it on her. But if she doesn't want to help herself then thres nothing you can do for her.

Kalia · 04-26-2008, 06:59 AM

we would sit down with her but whenever the 3 of us are in the room together she gets up and walks out. she hardly speaks to anyone anymore especially me which upsets me because we used to be really good friends.

we've tried everything to get her help, (the only reason she ent to the doctor in the first place is we came back one night to find her drunk and crying and it was the last straw, we threatened to carry her to the nurse if she didnt go herself, so she went and got help but it hasnt lasted)

in 9 weeks we wont be living together any more, she's goign to germany for a year, but we are really worried that if she isnt in a stable state here she could get really ill in germany without people who know her and can keep an eye out for her.

**Opunaya** · 04-26-2008, 07:05 AM

Kick her out?

Kalia · 04-26-2008, 07:35 AM

we cant, we have a room contract through the uni. so if she wanted to swap rooms she could but i dont think we can kick her out.

**Opunaya** · 04-26-2008, 07:51 AM

Well, do you know the landlord or whatever? Tell them that she's crazy and dangerous.

**Arcángel** · 04-26-2008, 08:32 AM

I've been in crazy situations before similiar to this. I am sure of a few things though...

She needs professional help. Her mental condition is not going to allow you two to help her alone
- Her actions (self harming, not eating, etc) indicate that she does have the will to reach out to someone but for her, reaching out is not going to be enough
- Her being combative seems as if the reason why she is going through a depression, might be something that hurt her or left her feeling vulnerable
- Medication alone isn't going to help either
Her going to Germany is going to make the situation all the more volatile

Once the reason for the depression is figured out, that's when you might want to try and talk to her. If by chance you continue to help her, just keep in mind that she is going to be in the defensive, now that the reason why she is depressed is out in the open.

I wish you all the best though and I hope that things turn out ok. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Keena · 04-28-2008, 04:38 PM

have an intervention?

is there anyone else other than you and your boyfriend that's been trying to help? family, friends?

she cant keep living the way she is though. at some point she is going to have to come face to face with her demons and either they will win or she will.

Is there anything positive that she enjoys doing that you can think of? something that she could get involved in? that might be able to help a little.

04-29-2008, 04:22 AM

give em a cookie...