Dream

WillyBubba · 09-10-2007, 09:47 PM

Okay, usually I do pretty well figuring out my problems. However, a recent dream has kinda thrown me off. I'm not sure exactly how to interpret it.

First of all, I dated a girl about a year ago and the feelings I had for her, if they aren't love, are certainly stronger on more levels than anything I've experienced before. We really hit it off but things went sour and I think it was more or less my fault but don't think it should have ended how it did.

So in this dream I go to my ex's (birthday) party and physically she's not the beautiful girl I knew. She has huge, ugly glasses, the worst looking dress I've ever seen, frizzy hair and she's put on about 100 pounds. But emotionally shes identical and she actually wants to hook up with me again. Initially I'm ecstatic but I begin to think about if I want to be seen with her and feel guilty. I tell her I need to think about it.

I wander around the party talking to random people (I think her dad and mom both advised me to get with her in my dream, as did a lot of people I thought would find the idea of being with someone who looked like her repulsive) and eventually decide I need to try with her again so I go upstairs to find her in her room. She gets me on her bed and starts trying to seduce me. This behavior is not like her at all (and I find it unattractive, especially from her) and she says she just wants me to be happy but I tell her to stop and that we need to talk about what's happening and what happened/went wrong the first time. She seemed disappointed and then I woke up.

Now, I've read two psych books this summer and can't help but feel this dream can help me figure out some of the anxiety I have around this relationship. For one, I know I still have feelings for her and I've tried to tell her but she told me, not that she didn't like me, but that it couldn't work. Her parents have told me she's just insecure mostly, but I don't really know how I can reassure her, I don't even know what her fears really are. At any rate, I still see her at least once a week, if even for just a few fleeting seconds we say hello and talk a bit. Maybe I imagine it, but it seems she still has feelings for me.

So, thanks for reading all this bull crap. If nothing else it kinda helps just knowing others have some idea of how miserable my love life feels right now

**Kelley** · 09-10-2007, 09:54 PM

Hmm veeery interesting indeed....
Was there anything else that seemed to be a great detail?

I use An Online Guide To Dream Interpretation to help me figure out my dreams. It's not 100% accurate, but it helps a great deal.

WillyBubba · 09-10-2007, 10:01 PM

Nothing really comes to mind. I'm going to check out that site, it seems it could be really helpful already. Thanks a ton!

**Kelley** · 09-10-2007, 10:18 PM

Nooo problem.
I was first thinking that since you said that she was heavier and not as attractive in the dream, that it could mean that you loved her for a wrong reason, or somerthing like that.

But I suppose that's not the case.

Ol' Patty · 09-10-2007, 10:42 PM

Did you think about this before you had this dream? I'm not well versed in interpreting dreams but I know quite a bit about insecurities.

Try not to focus so much on the status of your relationship. Focus on her and how she feels. First off, you should find out if shes still into you. If she isn't, then there ya go. If she is then all you have to do is work out her insecurities/anxieties. Find out why she thinks it won't work. She either has a very good reason why it won't or she doesn't have one at all, just a feeling. I think that most relationships fail because people involve themselves with each other very intimately before they truly know the other person and what they want. Or, hell, before they even know what they want. If you two have been in a relationship once, yet both still have feelings for each other then I think there is that much more of a chance of it working out than if you two were strangers. Talk to her but don't force her into it. Wait until she is willing to talk and you have some time.

Oh and something I just thought of... Maybe how you see her in your dream is a representation of her insecurities and how she may think you see her. Insecurities are a tough business, especially if the person in question isn't very confident in themselves.

Do you really feel like you want to re-enter a relationship with her or is it just that feeling of "things shouldn't have ended that way?" Thats very important too.

WillyBubba · 09-11-2007, 06:31 PM

I find my thoughts have been wandering to her if I don't stay occupied for the past year now. It's been great for my reading

And I can't be sure if it would work if we tried again, but it can't be denied that, though I've been able to forget and often enough don't enjoy seeing other ex's, I can't forget her and love to hear her voice, see her face, anything to be closer to her.

I guess I know it all comes down to talking to her but the hardest part is getting to that. I guess I was too up front the one time I tried before and at this point, after so much time has passed I'm not really sure what would constitute an 'appropriate' time to bring it up or how to even broach the subject. So the main focus should be if she still has feelings for me and what direction we should go in.

Oh, and I was sorta of exploring the idea that how I see her in my dream is actually how I think she sees me. In my mind the appearance represents a lack of self-respect and the tactless sexual advances show she has little respect for me. In this case the appearance issue is just a link or clue from my subconcious. Also, perhaps I wasn't (and maybe still) am not really sure what I'm looking for in a relationship. However, to this problem, I don't really know any way other than trying and at least figuring out what I don't want if nothing else comes from it.

Ol' Patty · 09-11-2007, 08:22 PM

Man, really sounds like a tough situation. It's probably going to be difficult no matter when or how you try and handle it, by the sound of it.

Good luck, I hope I was able to help a bit.

Oh... One more piece of advice from personal experience. Don't wait too long to make your move. Thats going to be nothing but bad.

WillyBubba · 09-11-2007, 09:00 PM

Thanks. I think I'll be able to find the time soon, hopefully she's not busy. At least having tried and put it all out there, even if it goes badly, then I'll know for sure. Right now the question is just unbearable.