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There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date. In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young.
Yes, this is psychodynamic. But let’s face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.
All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each other’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding. A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing—we don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it would likely be someone else.
This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing. People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one’s therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to make the world a better place.
This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us. When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.
The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.
Stumbled upon this and I really like it. It's close to my own philosophy, not that I practice it perfectly. I would say that the part I am worst at is walking away. I usually won't.
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Engaged to two lovely ladies, SeaStone and eLracho. <3
READ FOR COMPREHENSION!
Song currently possessing my soul: Don't have one, waiting to hear it.
Yeah, I still take offense when someone calls me a "fag", fully intending to do me emotional harm by doing so. As for people who are simply ignorant, I tend to ignore them, or bitch them out to the point that they're afraid to ever talk to anyone again.
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I hate 'literature'... I'd much rather read a good book.
I tend not to use "fag", "bitch", "slut", or "whore" correctly on purpose. I never call actual homosexuals "fags", but I might refer to Noz or myself like that, and I only use the last three words when either referring to myself or other guys, very rarely girls.
But yeah, I rarely get offended by anything anyone says about me or my beliefs, etc. because I'm very apathetic. Plus, I know I'm awesome, so it doesn't matter.
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"Everyone is stupid except me."
Quote:
Originally Posted by [ Jew Blaster ]
I can handle you...and your sexy parties.
"All the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll look down, and whisper 'no.'" -- Rorschach
Yeah, I still take offense when someone calls me a "fag", fully intending to do me emotional harm by doing so.
That I can see a point to, because silence implies agreement. I tend to tell people to watch their mouths when they say something like that, and tell them why if they ask or sometimes when they don't ask. Especially people around my age and younger, because more than likely it's just something they picked up from their parents, not realizing that it carries on hate.
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Engaged to two lovely ladies, SeaStone and eLracho. <3
READ FOR COMPREHENSION!
Song currently possessing my soul: Don't have one, waiting to hear it.
I heartily agree with this article except that psycho dynamics are taking over the world, I will never let them!
Anyway I find myself following this philosophy pretty closely.
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You are aesthetically pleasing,
the reason for which I first noticed in you.
And later I found your personality equally pleasing.
I also noted your chest to waist ratio is suitable for birthing.
Therefore, I think you should live in my house.
I heartily agree with this article except that psycho dynamics are taking over the world, I will never let them!
Anyway I find myself following this philosophy pretty closely.
Here here!
__________________ Mi Familia
Formerly known as El Subestimado
Mi ma'i, mi amor de mi vida: SpicedSugar
Mis hijos: Butterfingered (missing)
Mi hermanita: Dancesintheran, my brother-in-law: Edge_Of_Insanity
Mi Primita: Keena
"We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each other’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions."
I like how that is written, and what it is saying...
That is the whole idea of living in the moment, instead of being a consequence of the past...
I see this philosophy as being a very close part of Buddhism...
Here's a quote from my friend, Ghandi:
"Nobody can hurt me without my permission."
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"So familiar, and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild."
-Tool
04-20-2008, 10:16 PM
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