Eyes Closed (PG)

sca · #1 (**permalink**) 04-20-2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Eyes Closed

I can just imagine teasing you,
Stripping you, undressing me,
Biting necks and trailing lips,
Taking breath, and making quick.

Whispers closer drawing you,
Stealing you, right under me,
Harder looks and moving hips,
Tremored sighs, and dirty tricks.

I can just imagine loving you,
Gripping you, caressing me,
Holding fast and letting go,
Taking breath, and making slow;

As I lie,
Wishing you were with me.

Any feedback much appreciated.

**Ristaron** · 04-20-2008, 05:08 PM

Lol, barely PG, but PG.

I really like it, especially the last part. It's a cruel twist of context from rapturous to wishful, which adds an even more perfect feel to it.

SenzaSerenade · 04-20-2008, 09:22 PM

Agreeing with Rist, PG, but barely. =]

I absolutely love it. Brilliant use of subtle imagery, and extremely well-written. Do you write often?

**K@0t!C** · 04-20-2008, 10:12 PM

oh wow! I hardcore love this! i want to read the non-edited version!

Stossel · 04-20-2008, 10:36 PM

I admire how concrete it all is. Concrete, in the sense that it's all very personal. Like a whisper in my ear. And at the same time, it's a blur of emotion and warmth and you're very close to my favorite sort of music.

Damn you. I'm jealous.

**Arcángel** · 04-21-2008, 07:39 AM

*puts down his cup of coffee*
This is great.

I mean, not only are you definitely pushing the envelope of your PG rating but, when I read this, you can hear the sighs, the kisses and what not.

Maybe I have a good imagination? *shrugs*

*takes a bite out of his bagel*

**Opunaya** · 04-21-2008, 07:43 AM

Naughty girl =P

Very nice, I enjoyed it. I can't really critique poetry though, so you'll get no useful insight from the likes of ME!

sca · 04-21-2008, 11:19 PM

Thanks guys, and;

Quote:

Originally Posted by SenzaSerenade

Do you write often?

Not constantly, and I haven't studied poetry or anything, but yeah probably more than the average Joe. I even posted another thread a little while ago, but I didn't get much response, so I figured I'd try something a little more risque.

**SeaStone** · 04-21-2008, 11:46 PM

I... am so jealous. I'm horrible at poetry.

Wow, it was perfect.

Stossel · 04-22-2008, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sca

Not constantly, and I haven't studied poetry or anything, but yeah probably more than the average Joe. I even posted another thread a little while ago, but I didn't get much response, so I figured I'd try something a little more risque.

Haha...I guess sex sells.