My time

This little vacation has done me alot of good. I see things alot clearer now. I'm not so caught up in expecting things to be a certain way anymore. Everything can and will change in the blink of an eye. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other and the things you will see around you are infinite. It's nice to sit in one spot and rest for a while... It can make you feel secure and safe. Sure of yourself and everything around you. But... don't let that comfort trap you. You could end up experiencing much more than your worst fears if you get caught up in a safe, familiar routine. Life will leave you behind. You'll never get that back. You'll probably just waste even more of your life regretting or trying to fix what you regret. The greatest justice you can do to yourself is learning from what you and the others around you experience... Use that and find happiness. Learn from your mistakes... then move forward. And if you make another mistake. Wonderful. You learned something else. And maybe you can keep someone you care about, or at the least, yourself from making that mistake again. Something my grandfather, Russel, said to me. "Sometimes looking forward to doing something is alot better than actually doing it. When someone doesn't have anything to look forward to anymore... They don't have anything." Those words hit me pretty hard. It made alot of since to me. He shared alot with me. His experiences and mistakes. He tries to help me by letting me learn from his mistakes. I don't think even he knows how much he helps me by doing that and how much I appreciate it. I only hope that I can do his life justice by learning from his mistakes and accomplishments. I visited quite a few of my relatives while I traveled around. I experienced alot on my own... and I shared alot of their experiences. And the entire time I was able to take it all in, unbiased by my normal way of thinking and living. I am truly lucky.

I now know why I was so bothered before. I was becomming trapped. I don't know enough to know what I want out of life and how I want to live. And that's ok. It's great that I realize that. I'm not going to let things like not knowing what I want or thinking I know what I want get in my way anymore. I don't want more from life... I want all of life.