Understanding

The colors are fading again. I have come full circle. Everywhere leads to the same place. I don't like this... but I feel a sense of tranquility in the nothingness. I am at peace. Maybe it is better this way. I didn't even want to get up. It felt so good just to lay there. Laying there without a thought in my head. But I wanted to get up... What does that mean?

You can't help me...

Because you can't understand... I don't want your sympathy. I don't want your love. I just want someone who can understand. I was going to leave... It's getting to be too much to take. You keep looking at my world through your eyes and you judge me by your rules. Thats understandable I guess. You react to the way I make you feel, so obviously what you think is right, right? Wrong. You don't have a fucking clue. You misunderstand everything. You frustrate me. You make everything worse. Your killing me inside.

You can't help me...

I don't want to hear your words... If you can't sit with me in silence, then I can't stand to be around you. I hate sounds. I hate seeing. I hate motion. I hate... I feel the rage from the frustration Communication? Hah... We are speaking completely different languages. You think you understand. But that just makes it worse.

You can't help me...

I see things in a different way... It's more than just a difference in opinions or priorities or perspective. It's not the same at all. I guess I don't understand you either though. I got you all figured out. I can guess your every move. But I still can't see why you are doing it. And it's stupid. Thats why I am the way I am. I want to know why you are so different from me. Maybe the similarities are just a coincidence... A mockery of trying to understand.

You can't help me...

Why are you taking action when there is no reason for it? Why do you think there is something where there is nothing. It doesn't have to mean anything. Your just making shit up. Just stop.. please stop it... It's your arrogance... your foolish pride... your ego... Thats what's going to destroy this world... thats what's going to destroy me...

Maybe in the end I really am crazy... But to me... I am the only sane person I know.

I don't know what I am going to do yet.... But I'm not going to leave thigns the way they are. I don't want it like this anymore.

You can't help me.