Does anyone else get the feeling when their significant other is about to break up with them within the next few days? So I have had experience with this feeling before, and now the feeling has come again. I HATE THIS!!! I know it is coming! He talked about how he is moapy* and he used a phrase that trips up a flag, "it is not your fault, and it is not my fault. It has nothing to do with you, and it is something that cannot be changed" yeah my exe used phrases and wording like that before he broke up with me. I am so afraid of what is going to happen! I am so tied to this guy, not just emotionally, but socially and economically...I am so afraid! I feel sick, I want to cry, and I want to throw up! What makes matters worse is that my family are all two hours away from me, so no comfort can come from them except from over the phone...and my mom doesn't even know I am gay, so I cannot be held by her...I remember well wanting to be held by her when my exe broke up with me...but I could not come to tell her why I cried so much. I hid in my room for about a week...granted my parents knew something was wrong...well...my dad knows i am, but has never talked to me about it...he is not the one I want to hold me though...I want my mother...I feel like such a baby. I know it is coming...I hate this so much! It is so late and none of my friends in the area are awake so I cannot go to them...I want to be held so bad right now...I want him to just break up with me and not prolong it like my exe did... (my bf is out with friends, prolly spending the night at one of their houses..avoiding me...one of the signs he wants to break up)
I need to say something, I cannot hold it in, that is why I am writing a thread about it...I do not know what to do...LOL this may sound really pathetic/creepy to Girl, but what I have gathered from her personality is she is much like one of my friends that I want to be comforted by...LOL that is stupid isn't it? I don't care though, I write what I think and feel, and will not take it back. Anyway I do not know if anyone will actually read this all the way through anyway...so goodnight people, and I hope things are going better for you guys than they are for me!
a poem i just posted that won't get much attention on its own and will probably get more with this...
Sick and tired of the stupidity
Sick and tired of the lies
Sick and tired of the truth
Opening my eyes
Wishing everything was always straight forward
Squinting ever onward through the dishonesty, not knowing what will come
Fearful of honesty because of being comfortable with diceit
Feeling so alone buried beneath all this shit
Why does life keep ending up like this?
Emotions hidden to the very end
Tears that fall ripping my heart apart
Why is my world constantly falling to pieces, right after it was just put back together?
Not knowing when it will come to a halt
He says it is no ones fault
But I have heard those words before
It means our lives will soon part
Another day, another passing of the moon,
I do not know when, but I know it is soon.
__________________
"If you cannot live for yourself, live for your friends and family."
~My hero, best friend, and brother, Jim
"One person's situation may not be as bad as your's, but to them it could be the end of the world"
~An Epiphany
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
~Eleanor Roosevelt
Es ist mir scheiß Egal