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Your last paragraph reminds me of the quote: "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."
I don't know because I've tried everything you mentioned: Prayer, doing things on my own, etc. and still all my results are nil...I've become a darker person...not brighter, my own essence tainted just from me existing.
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"Everyone is stupid except me."
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Originally Posted by [ Jew Blaster ]
I can handle you...and your sexy parties.
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"All the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll look down, and whisper 'no.'" -- Rorschach
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