I'm not going to lie, I don't particularly like this one. The line breaks aren't all particularly meaningful to me, and... idk. I like what you were trying to write, if you will - the concept but not the whole execution.
"“That's 'ow' honey
not 'ooh' or any
variation of it” "
made me smile. One thing I do like is that it's sex/porno without being blunt about it.
And I like:
"our potential kinetic energy
activates
pulsing
an attempt to peer at heaven
with atheistic eyes"
=> Jess
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