Estefanina

There is a book called The War of Art, it's by Steven Pressfield, and in your situation, I'd bet you would find it helpful for alleviating all the negative.

Other than that, your prose speaks to the soul. Keep it up.

__________________
Let us never cease from thinking - What is this 'civilization' in which we find ourselves? What are these ceremonies and why should we take part in them? What are these professions and why should we make money out of them? Where in short is it leading us, the procession of the sons of educated men? - Virginia Woolf 1936.